My Darkest Thoughts

My Prison

A thin glass is what separates me from the outside world.

That place is bright and dazzling

But here I am on the other side-

A side enveloped by four dreary walls

And a cloud of darkness shuts out all the light

From the window to the other side.

It's funny

How I can hear their conversations just fine

But my screams go unheard.

I look outside and see the trees and people-

Interacting, socialising.

Some see me, some don't

And some pretend I dont exist.

For them I am as invisible

As air to the naked eye.

Sometimes I want them to notice me,

Sometimes I shy away.

Sometimes the cold four walls give me comfort and security

Sometimes it can turn into my worst nightmare.

The countless hours I spent looking up at the grey ceiling

Willing myself to sleep

Willing myself to get up

Willing myself to not be anxious

Willing myself to socialise.

I see the people on the other side and pretend

To be like them.

I wear a mask.

But

When anxiety and depression crumble me

Like a piece of worthless paper

I crawl back into my prison.

Waiting.

Waiting.

For the cycle to

Begin again.