We Start Believing We Belong (Percico)

Locked Doors

Percy

There's only one gay guy here who is the straight one.

Hey, what's up? I'm kind of gay and also really insecure about it. If I told Nico, he'd probably actually hate me forever. Which wouldn't be good. I like Nico. And I'll take what I can get. Even if that means awkward friendship.

After he sat down, I didn't know what to do.

"Do you have paper?" He asked me after an awkward ten minutes.

"Uh, yeah!" I said, trying to keep my anxiety to a low. I gave him a sketchbook I had, completely blanking that he would see all my drawings.

It's not like I draw us or him (aside once, but I've drawn most of my friends) or anything. But it's just embarrassing.

To this day, Annabeth and Grover don't know I like to make art. And I intended to keep it that way. Despite you know, going to an art college this summer.

"Oh my gods," the son of Hades remarked as he looked at every single drawing in that sketchbook. "This is... Amazing. You're really good at drawing, Percy. I didn't beg for an artsy guy."

"Uh, thanks..." I said. "But I'm really not that good."

"Oh, bullshit," he called me out. "Why didn't I know about this sooner?"

"Well like... I don't know." I tried to answer that question, failing. "It's not like anyone else knows."

"Oooh," I guess that had his attention for one reason or another. "So you don't like to show other people?"

"Not really, no."

"Well that's just a damn shame," Nico told me as he took a photo of the drawings he was in. One of just him. Then there was one that had multiple people, he was just one of them. "Because you're really good."

"I don't know what you're—"

He got to the thing I forgot I drew. The whole pride drawing I made that I never wanted another living soul to see. Because it didn't say straight supporter like the one I posted did.

My heart stopped. My anxiety went through the roof, and I was on the verge of a panic attack.

I started pacing, I couldn't even hear what Nico was hearing. Because I just spiraled downwards back into the hole that took me heard to crawl out of. And I didn't even get out of it. I just learned to ignore it. To say that it wasn't there.

My hands went over my ribs, the memories rushing back. The memories I closed off when I got amnesia. That I just tried to convince myself were dreams. Gabe would never say that. He'd never do that.

I fucking gave up. On everything. Because what's the fucking point anymore? Every guard I had up, Nico has tore down in a single night. What's one more thing?

Go big or go home. It's not he gives a shit about me anyways. Not like I do for him.

My legs stopped working, and I was on the floor. And I tried. It just pushed against my chest and up my throat, where everything else was. And it had its own bitching time.

I've held it in for almost 15 years. For as long as I can remember, I have held this in because it didn't being anywhere else. My art didn't belong where else. I didn't deserve a man. I barely fucking deserved a woman. If you assume I even deserve to be alive.

It didn't even feel real.

I just screamed.

Jason

We we're hauling ass to cabin 3, because I guess this wasn't going well. It wasn't our idea. It was Piper's idea, we just agreed to it. Everyone knew about it. Nobody objected.