Hold Me Close

Homesick

'Here, where the sky's falling

I'm covered in blue

I'm running and I'm crawling

Fighting for you

When the rain stops, then, darling, what will I do?

And I know I go all in, but why do I?'

Sam stood at the edge of the world, a gun in one hand and a knife in the other. He knew how it was going to end; he was going to die one of three ways presented to him.  Dean was in Hell and he'd done everything he could to get his brother back, but he just wasn't good enough. All he wanted was his brother back, but he couldn't even get that back. Music poured into his ears and unlike the Metallica he was expecting, something new overwhelmed his senses. His breaths heaved as he listened intently.

The gentle melody swept over him. Sam turned his face to the sky and prayed, one last time, for a miracle. He prayed for his brother, Dean, and that he could come back from Hell. He prayed to Cas for one last moment of true happiness, just a glimpse of his Heaven again. Sam missed Dean with all his heart and longed for when they were younger, when they had still been a family, with Dad and Bobby and Ellen and Jo. He wanted the innocence that he'd retained to his teen years. He had an idea of what he wanted to do. The hand gripping the knife turned white and his finger tightened around the trigger of the gun. He stepped closer to the edge of the cliff, glancing over into the nothingness.

'You give me a reason, something to believe in

I know, I know, I know

You give me a meaning, something I can breathe in 

I know, I know, I know

It's a bittersweet feeling

Longing, and I'm leaving

I go, I go, I go

But I wish I was there with you

Oh, I wish I was there with you'

An image of a younger Dean flashed in his mind; Dean laughing as they swam in a lake, Dean swinging him into the air by his hands, Dean tucking him into his side as he slept in yet another cheap motel, Dean holding him still while Dad stitched up a gash left by some otherworldly creature they'd been hunting. He had known, Sam had known that this would end bloody, that one of them would be killed by a vampire or banshee or demon or something else. Somewhere along the line, he'd lost faith that the two of them could possibly have a happy ending.

Why should they? They hunted monsters, for Gods' sake. If anyone knew the darkness of the world, it was Sam and Dean Winchester. Rain landed on his shoulders and chilled him. "I need you, Dean. Please come home," Sam whispered to the open air. He must have a death wish, because he kept stepping closer and closer to the edge of the world. God only knew that he wanted to die so he could be with his brother again. Maybe Chuck would let him stay dead this time. Maybe he'd be able to see Dean once more, in Heaven. 

'There's a crack in my window

A bird in my room

Angels all over that watch over you  

When I'm walking on water

All my dreams have come true