Hold Me Close

Ghost of You

Here I am waking up, still can't sleep on your side

There's your coffee cup, the lipstick stain fades with time

If I can dream long enough, you'd tell me I'd be just fine

I'll be just fine

He wandered through the camp, not noticing the way the other campers gave him pitying looks and glances. He wanted to get to the cabin to get the rest of his things. The smell of the sea overwhelmed him as he passed over the threshold, forcing him to stop so that he didn't have another sobbing fit. It didn't surprise him that simply the smell of his love could still affect him so strongly even after his death.  Nico breathed in the salty air to calm himself and proceeded to collect the last of his belongings from Percy's cabin. He missed their apartment in New Rome, but knew that he couldn't return to it. The reminder of what had happened there made sure of that. A knock on the door startled him and he spun around with the sketchbook filled of drawings Percy had done in his hand. It was Annabeth. She held a leather-bound book that seemed to be sacred to her, from the way she was holding it. "Hey, Annie. You okay?"

So I drown it out like I always do

Dancing through our house with the ghost of you

And I chase it down, with a shot of truth

Dancing through our house with the ghost of you

"Not really." Her eyes were haunted. "I knew that he might die someday, but I never thought that he would be the one to cause it," her voice broke. "Didn't know that he was as bad as he was." Nico knew what she was talking about; none of them had known Percy was that bad and they had all hoped that they could save him before it was too late. That hadn't been what happened, though. The day he'd found Percy was one of the worst he'd ever had, including his journey through Tartarus. He knew that he'd knew be able to go into the bathroom at their old apartment ever again without seeing Percy's lifeless body floating in bloody water.

Cleaning up today, found that old Zepplin shirt

You wore when you ran away, and no one could feel your hurt

We're too young, too dumb, to know things like love

But I know better now, better now

Annie gave him the book she held, then turned to leave. "You might want to sit down when you read it." She sounded scared. Not many things frightened Annabeth and that terrified him. If Annie was this scared about what was in the book, he wasn't sure he wanted to read it. "Thanks, Annie." All of a sudden, the book felt heavy in his grasp. She nodded and left. Nico sat on Percy's bed to read. He hated the feeling Annabeth's warning gave him; it felt like she was trying to warn him of the contents. He slipped on Percy's old camp sweater and opened the book.

So I drown it out like I always do

Dancing through our house with the ghost of you

And I chase it down, with a shot of truth

Dancing through our house with the ghost of you

This journal belongs to Percy Jackson was written in permanent marker on the inside cover. He knew what Annie meant by wanting to sit down. This journal held all of Percy's secrets. It held everything that Percy had been through in his 20 years of life. Nico wondered whether it spoke of the depression that Percy'd developed over the last three years. He suddenly desired a drink; something strong, like whiskey, so that he'd be able to get through reading the journal. All of a sudden, Will Solace appeared at the door and Nico jumped. He hadn't been expecting anyone to show up after Annie left. "Hi, Nico. Everything okay?" Will was kind, something he wasn't used to. 

Too young, too dumb

To know things like love

Too young, too dumb

There was a drink in Will's hand that he hadn't seen before. He nodded and he wished he wasn't lying. If things had been different, he could've loved Will. They could have been together and raised a family and took care of each other. But things were the way they were; there was no changing his emotions, no matter how much he wanted to. The journal was still in his lap. Will handed him the drink and he tentatively took a sip. Whiskey, just what he'd been looking for. "I'm perfect now, thanks." There was a rasp to his voice that was from the screaming he'd done since Percy's suicide and all the crying he'd done since the funeral. He just wanted Percy back, was that too much to ask?

So I drown it out like I always do

Dancing through our house with the ghost of you

And I chase it down, with a shot of truth

That my feet don't dance like they did with you

Will sat on the bed next to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I'll stay with you, if you'd like?" Nico nodded. He was thankful for Will's calming presence. Having a son of Apollo was probably a good idea when he was reading Percy's innermost thoughts. He downed the rest of the whiskey, giving the glass back to Will and turned the page. The date at the top of the page was from a year before, on the 19th of May. He remembered back to that day; he'd just gotten back from a long quest and he'd wanted to surprise Percy. He's ended up walking in on Percy taking a razor to his arm. Shaking out of the memory, he started to read. It was an accident. I didn't mean for Nico to come into the bathroom. I thought he'd be gone longer, giving me more time . . .