My Redemption

His Enigma

“All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.

That is how far the world is from where I am.

One. Bad. Day.”

When I woke J was above me with his hands on my shoulders.

“You okay there, Doll?” J asked in a quiet, raspy drawl.

“Uhm, yeah. Uh, how are you feeling?” I rasp out, my voice still thick with sleep. He gave me what was becoming his signature head tilt. He looked at me quizzically and licked his lips before saying, “you were thrashing about quite a bit there.” He continued looking at me like he was trying to figure me out, and completely ignoring my question.

“Just a bad recurring dream, nothing I can’t handle. Now let me look at your stitches.” I say to him already maneuvering to look at his stitches before he could pull away and stop me. The instant my hand touched his side his entire body froze, tense. If I hadn’t been paying attention I wouldn’t have noticed the slight flinch. My eyes darted up to his, and his expression was almost unreadable. I could see a bit of shock, and uneasiness. I then proceeded, albeit slowly, to check on his newly acquired wound. I carefully pulled back the bandage noticing it was sticking to the wound a little, without looking I reached for the Neosporin I had mindlessly placed on the night stand before passing out. I then carefully applied it to his wound before changing the gauze pad underneath the wrapping and placing the wrapping back into its previous position.

“Looks like you made it through the night without ripping any stitches, and it looks a lot better than it did last night.” I spoke quietly as if not to spook him from his eerily quiet stillness. I went to get up and throw away the old gauze pad when he gently grabbed my arm getting my attention, I looked up at him and his face was stunningly close to my own. He leaned in slowly and brushed his lips against my cheek, this time I was the one frozen still.

“Thank you.” He whispered in my ear before pulling away. I averted my gaze, a rush of heat flooding my face. I mumbled out a no problem before waking to the mini trash can in the corner and throwing out the gauze. I turn around walking to the door and throw on the oversized hoodie I have dangling from the corner of it. I finally face him and notice his lingering stare.

“Uhm, are you hungry? I have coffee if you don’t eat breakfast.” I ask him quietly.

“Famished.” He told me, his voice just a bit louder than mine. A bit of lust flashed in his eyes, but I could have sworn there may have been a bit of admiration there also.

“So, J…” I begin as I start cooking breakfast, the coffee percolating in the background.

“Yes Doll?” He drawled out while getting a look around my sparse apartment. “Wanna play twenty questions? I find that’s the easiest way to get to know someone. You can go first if you want.” He looked up at me, tilting his head yet again. The man was going to get an awful kink in his neck if he kept that up.

“Do you know who I am?” He asked, still looking at me quizzically, yet also amused.

“Yes.” I simply responded.

“And?” he questioned. Obviously not satisfied with my unelaborated answer, or the lack of disdain or horror that I assumed he was used to getting. “Nope, one question at a time. My turn. What’s your real name?” This time he stared at me dumbfounded, but only for a second.

“Jack.” He said, paying me back for my one word answer I gave him earlier.

“Elaborate on my first question.” He asked. I took a moment of pause to collect my thoughts and form my answer. I plated the eggs I made with a bagel on the side and handed a plate to him and walked over to the couch to sit, eat, and talk.

“Well, to start with you’re the man who saved me in the alley and brought me home. You saved me twice actually. From the brief few times I’ve used my t.v. to distract me, I’ve also gathered that you’re the Joker character that throws the town into chaos on a semi frequent basis. Most people wouldn’t think you could be both, but I’ve observed it and I can’t just think you’re one or the other. If I neglect one side of who you are, I’m doing you, and myself, a disservice. Therefore, right now, I’ve just decided to think of you as a dark knight rather than my savior, or the villain the town think of you as.” I avoided his eye contact during my answer, choosing instead to look out the window so I don’t loose my train of thought. I could feel his eyes drilling a hole in my head and finally decided to look at him.

“You know, if you keep tilting your head like that every time I say something you’re going to need to see a chiropractor.” I tell him, and he chuckles in return. His laughter was musical this time around instead of the maniacal laugh everyone often hears on their television screens. “Ya know Doll, you’re quite the enigma.”

“Thanks, I think,” I say as I tuck my hair behind my ear that has fallen in front of my face, “I think it’s my turn to ask a question. What caused you to be the Joker?” I look closely at him while worrying my lip between my teeth. I know this question could change the tone of the conversation, or even end it, but I have to know why there are two conflicting sides to this man. More importantly, why was I worth breaking his norm?

“All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That is how far the world is from where I am. One. Bad. Day.” He speaks in a clipped tone. He gets up and starts pacing before settling for standing in front of my window.

“What was your nightmare about?” he asked me while still staring out the window.

“I used to have a little sister. She had blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and the most contagious smile I’ve ever seen. One day, a couple kidnapped her. Our dad was drunk and didn’t pick her up from school on time. We couldn’t find her for years. That was until one day across the state there was a car accident. A man driving recklessly hit a patch of ice and lost control of the vehicle. Him and his girlfriend survived, but the little girl riding with them didn’t.” By now Jack had turned around from the window and was looking at me. A bit of sadness and understanding taking residence in his eyes.

“Every night since, I have this recurring dream. It starts out different, but the ending is always the same. No matter how hard I try, I can’t save her.” Jack now comes over and sits in front of me. His movement are carefully slow. He raises his hand up to my face, and it was then, when he wiped the tears from my face that I realized I had been crying.

“It’s why I moved here actually. I had to get away from it all. From everything, every memory. I couldn’t take it anymore, I thought I was going to go crazy. That I was going crazy. I figured a fresh start where no one knew me, and where nothing held a memory, would give me a fresh start. It worked a little. Took the edge off, but I couldn’t shake the nightmares. I still haven’t, but last night wasn’t as bad.” I trailed off. Biting my lip in order to gain control of my thoughts and emotions. It was the first time I told someone about my nightmares, let alone their cause. I distracted myself by picking up our empty plates and making my way to the coffee. I poured a mug for each of us, fixing mine the way I like it and setting the cream and sugar next to his. I didn’t hear him walk up behind me, but I could feel is presence. His warmth radiated off his body. I slowly turned around so as not to bump into to him and leaned against the counter. His warm brown eyes stared down into mine.

“Why are you so surprised by me?” I ask him, getting my mind of my emotions and back onto him.

“I’m used to people running in fear when they see me, or looking at me in disgust. You didn’t. I guess you’re just my enigma, Doll. And I plan on figuring you out.”

“Good luck, my dad, ex-boyfriend, and three therapists couldn’t.” I reply before taking a sip of my coffee.

“Good thing I love a challenge then.” He said quietly, a playful look in his eyes.