My gift to humanity (a rant book)

They see me rolling...in a police car

Okay,first of all:HELLO MOTHERFUCKERS AND WELCOME TO THIS SHITSHOW I CALL A BOOK.
So if you know my German rantbook or whatever the fuck you want to call it you know I'm a hell of a angry bitch so if I say this book contains excessive swearing BITCH IT FUCKING DOES.

Well let's get started with today's rant/story,shall we? (I mean no one wants this fucking book but k.)
So this chapter is about the time the police drove me home in their cheap ass car.
Okay so just to clear this up:
I'm not a arrogant little valley ass bitch (although I sure sound like one) I just am a little fucking nerd who hasn't got any friends (or a life for that matter) and just wants to release their anger into a shitty ass book.
(I really should stop swearing but...fuck it.)
Okay ON WITH THE STORY
So,my parents were on a holiday in Egypt (WITHOUT ME LIKE WTF) and so my grandmother was my guardian for that month.
So this is going to be VITAL for the story:
My beloved grandma is deaf as shit so she can't really hear anything (except ear-rape).
Still love her though.
(I just realized 50% of the words I've used so far are either fuck or so)
So after another long ass day in Azkaban *cough* school *cough* I just wanted to lay in bed and cry myself to sleep.
Well I walked up the stairs to our flat with one particular goal in mind.
And that was to eat and sleep.
So I took off my shoes and went to open the door.
BITCH GUESS WHAT:
The door was fucking locked.
Bitch what.
Bitch where.
Bitch who.
I'm there like:"Fuck I forgot my key,shit,shit,SHIT!"
So I start ringing the shit out of the doorbell and knocking on the door like a maniac (I almost kicked our fucking door in).
After what felt like hours (it was just one but k) I was LITERALLY STARVING.
So I decided on grabbing something to eat and then return to my quest to get mah granny open the door for me.
After I ordered like the whole menu in an attempt to eat all my sorrows and feelings away I decided to go back home.
WELL BITCH GUESS MOTHERFUCKING WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT ASS OF A FUCKING DOOR WAS MOTHERFUCKING STILL LOCKED AND MY DEAF ASS GRANNY(still love her though lmao) STILL DOESNT OPEN THE DOOR LIKE BITCH DAMN.
I lost all hopes of getting in and I was prepared to spend the night out in the streets like the gangster I am (I'm the biggest pussy ever btw lol)
By this point I had already given up and I just sat down on my doorstep and tried to fall asleep.
And then I had the best fucking idea ever:
I called up a friend of mine (yEs I HavE fRiEndS) and was like:"Yo sup bitch can I crash at your place for the night?"
Well,she asked her mum and she advised me to go and see the cops and I did.
I walked to the Sheriff's office like:FUCK THE POLICE COMING STRAIGHT FROM THE UNDERGROUND
Ok lol nah.
It was more like: Uhm s-s-sorry Sir m-m-y Granny...
Ok you get the point.
WELL NOW COMES THE TURNING POINT BITCHES
They were like:"Lmao yeah sure,hop into our car and we'll see if she's dead or smthn like that."
What I was thinking by now?
"FUCK YEAH A FREE FUCKING CRUISE IN A POLICE CAR."
Well they drove me home and on the way I saw this lady I know and she was SHOOKETH.
I'm sure she thought I killed someone or something like that.
Well after they almost kicked my door in as well one of the officers is like:
"We should turn off the electricity to your flat,so the TV turns off, maybe she comes out or maybe we find out that she really is dead."
The other officer agrees and one of them goes into the basement and turns off the electricity supply or whatever the fuck and GUESS FUCKING WHAT.
GUESS WHAT.
GUESS WHAT.
THIS BITCH STEPS OUT AND IS LIKE:
"Oi! Good Evening officers!"
And I'm over here like:"BITCH ARE YOU SIRIUS (haha get it)"

So I think this is basically it lol.
This wasn't overdramatized at all.
And I didn't use sarcasm at all in this chapter.
.lol.