She Believed

Chapter 2

Salam!
That, ladies and gentlemen, is Zaira!
Enjoy!

College applications, aka a major
headache. I finished all of them in a month and tomorrow the decisions will be out. I am so nervous that I couldn't sleep last night and I'm pretty sure that's what is going to happen tonight as well.

Ya Allah! I just hope that I get into one of the colleges. If that happens I'll be a step close to my goal. I have had the realization of my responsibilities from a very young age. When girls of my age would play outside just like normal kids do, I was locked in my room, studying. It never changed. Instead of gossiping and having the time of my life, like normal teenagers do, I was busy studying, cooped inside my room. I was never forced to do so, my parents never had the need to advise me, tell me to study or not to waste time, I am the perfect daughter in the eyes of my parents and I'm very thankful to Allah for that.

Only Allah knows how important this is for me; once I get into a good college, only four years will be left till I get financially independent. Then I will get a Master's degree while working part-time, save money, buy my parents and Zaira, my sister who is in 8th grade, a house, a car and help Papa with his business. I also have to make sure my family gets all the comforts, all the facilities that we lack right now. I will take Mama to the best orthopedician in the world for her arthritis and Papa to the best ophthalmologist for his cataract. I will work hard, make a great career, so that people won't taunt my parents for having daughters. I have to show these people that even though I'm a girl, I'm no less than a boy. I have to take care of my parents in every aspect and ensure that they never feel as if something is missing in their lives.

But I know it's not what it seems like. From a very young age, this has been the my notion of success, happiness, fulfillment. But now I know that a day will come when I will have everything that I ever desired for but I won't be happy. It feels like in the race to what I call a perfect life, I have lost myself. I have a goal, that's it, that's all that is left in my life.

I pray Isha and read some pages of Quran. After praying and telling Him my sob story, I feel light. I make my way to the bed and try to sleep. But, I end up tossing in my bed for two hours. Getting up from the bed, I start studying Maths. Whenever I feel trapped, confused or upset, I study. I study, till my eyes start hurting. I don't know when I went from loving to study to seeking refugee in my studies. After solving some problems of integration, I pray Tahajjud. I try to sleep once again and this time, I fall asleep as soon as I rest my head on the pillow.

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"BismiAllah, BismiAllah, BismiAllah, BismiAllah, BismiAllah"

I chant the name of Allah over and over again as I log in to my account on the website of Yale.

"Dear Adeeba, we are sorry to say that we can not offer you admission to Yale." I am unable to read the rest of e-mail as my vision turns blurry due to tears.

"Allah's plans are better than my plans", I keep reminding myself.

With that I compose myself and check the rest of the decisions. Turns out I am accepted to MIT, Cornell and Caltech! wait-listed by UCLA and Harvard and rejected by Stanford and Yale.

"Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah!" I do a little victory dance. "Mama! Come here! Mama!"

"Adu! Stop yelling! What happened?"

On seeing Mama's face I envelop her in a bone-crushing hug and start crying.

"Mama, Allah listened to your Dua!"