She Believed

Chapter 3

I hate shopping and right now I am being dragged around by Mama and Zaira to buy things for college. I had told them that I trust both of them and they can get me whatever they want but no! apparently I have to learn how to shop for myself since I have to do it by myself in America. Is it possible to get new things without shopping? If there is, I desperately need to learn about it because I loathe shopping. Going to market and talking to people is not my cup of tea, I would rather study and solve some numericals for the upcoming engineering exams.

"So, we have got toiletries, two suitcases, PJ's, sweaters, a prayer mat, hijabs, tops, trousers, skirts, abayas, jeans...", Mama murmured, deep in thought.

I think the person who has been affected the most because of my college is Mama. She does not let it show but I know how worried she is. I know she prays to Allah for me all the night and she has been fasting for two weeks for my sake. For the past few weeks she has been continuously asking me questions about how I am gonna handle the whole college thing alone. I have to go the USA alone because the college provides funds for the travel of the student only and we can not afford the travel expenses of Mama or Papa. So I decided to go alone. Obviously, I had to do a lot of convincing and make quite a few promises until my parents gave in.

"Mama", I tried to pull her out of her deep thought about the things she has to buy.

"Mama!", I called her a bit louder.

"What happened?!", she looked at me alarmed.

"Nothing happened. Why don't you and Zaira go and sit for a while? In the meanwhile, I will buy a watch and some stationery", I tried to make her get some rest because she has running around for 4 hours now.

"No, No. I am fine. There is only a few things left now. Don't worry about me."

"You already said that about ten times. I will not listen to you this time. Go and sit there right now. Please?" I tried to convince her.

"Okay, fine. But what about you? You don't want to rest?"

"I don't need to. I don't think I did anything tiring today. All I did was walk around. You did all of the shopping, so you need to rest"

"I never get any credit! FYI, I have been walking around this market for four hours now in this freezing cold and have been avoiding life threatening incidents!", Zaira said in a single breath.

"Oh yeah? What incidents?' I asked her raising an eyebrow.

"The incidents such as slipping on ice and cracking my head open or getting a permanent hearing loss because of you grumbling about how shopping is a waste of time and energy!" Zaira seethed, causing me and Mama to laugh.

"Okay okay, you drama queen. Stay here and take care of Mama, she is fasting."

"Will do!", she said happily.

With that I left to buy a watch and some other things. While shopping, I tried to save some money Mama gave me, so that I can buy Mama, Papa and Zaira some gifts. If Mama will hear that I saved money that I was meant to spend for buying a watch and bought them gifts instead, I am set to get a good thrashing.

I got Mama some earrings. For Papa I bought a book called, 'The Martian'. My father loves science and most of the times that is what we bond over. I bought Zaira a pair of sneakers. She needed new shoes but could not tell anyone because my parents have been spending their savings for my college and 'she did not want to pressurize them right now'. Her words, not mine. Even though Zaira acts like a carefree and happy-go-lucky person, I know just like me she has realized her responsibilities at a very young age.

After two hours, we finally left for home. Mama and Zaira are still discussing about the things we bought today. Whenever I look at my family, my eyes start to burn with tears, like right now. My parents and sister are my only prized possessions. My paternal grandparents and maternal grandmother died when I was young. My maternal grandpa died last year. It was really devastating for me but that is a story for another time. Most of my relatives do not want to be related to my family because we are poor or as I like to call it- financially disadvantaged. I do not have any friends because I am too 'boring'. In school all I did was study, debate, study and debate. I was not a very social person- they called me a nerd, a bookworm. But it is okay. I know I have to prioritize my family over myself. My responsibilities are more important than having fun with friends. But when I wonder what having fun with friends is like I get really sad. I realize I have grown up too much, too early. The little girl is lost.

We reach home, well my Uncle's home, and start to unpack the things we bought. After finishing that Mama, Zaira and I pray Asar together. After that Zaira goes to study in our room and I go to Mama's room.

"Mama, what are you doing?"  

"Nothing much. Come sit with me. Talk to me for a while?"

"Sure Mama", I sit with her on the bed, "How are you, Mama?"

"I am fine. What will happen to me?", she says softly while caressing my face with her hand.

"Don't think that I don't notice how your wrinkleshave grown deeper and how you have these huge dark-circles around your eyes", I challenge her.

"You notice everything, don't you?", she asks softly. 

"How can I not? I have to", It's my responsibility, my reason of life.

"No you don't have to, Adeeba. Don't be too hard on yourself. Trust us with the Almighty and live your life a little", she says, looking at me like I am going to disappear.

 "I am not being hard on myself, Mama. I am doing what Allah has commanded me to do. I am fulfilling my responsibilities. Loving my family is not being hard on myself", I say with tears in my eyes.  

"But giving us all of you is not your responsibility. Allah did not command you to only fulfill your responsibilities and not think of your own happiness, YOU have decided to do that. All I am asking you to do is act like a seventeen year old girl", she says sharply, going into Mom-mode.

"Okay okay! Don't get angry now. I'll try to change myself. I'll try to worry less. I'll try to act like a normal teenager", I put my hands up in surrender, "once I reach college", I say slightly amused.

"I'm not angry. I just feel guilty of pressurizing you to-"

"No no Mama. You didn't pressurize me, ever. I decided everything myself. All you and Papa have done is made me someone who I am proud of. You have taught me to work hard, to thank Allah and stay content with everything that is bestowed upon us. You have taught me to trust Allah and his decisions. You don't need to be guilty about anything. You are the best parents a girl can ask for", I say with tears streaming down my face.

Mama starts to cry as well and hugs me. I hug her back with all my might.

"Okay stop crying now. You're fasting", I tell her turning serious again.

"There you go again", she taunts me with a smile on her face.

"Mama?", I call her.

"Yes?"

"I love you", I hug her again.

"I love you too", she says, kissing the crown of my head.

"Let's call Papa and see when he is coming?", I suggest, pulling away from her.

"Yes, that is a good idea. He wanted to talk to you, anyway"

We call Papa and turns out he is coming tomorrow. That means I get to spend a week with my family. A week before I bid goodbye to my family for a year. 

A/N:

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