Zara's Safari

Chapter 25

It was still unspoken. Maybe words were unnecessary, because it was being said all the time through the sideways glances, the smiles- big and small, the touches, the kisses and even in the silences. But I knew I wanted to. I’d only ever said it once before, and at the time I’d meant it and really believed it, but now I knew how wrong I’d been.

Because this was IT.

Right here, right now and with Riaan. This was love.

Real love.

The kind of deep, sweeping, all consuming love that people die for and write poems and books about.  Not the kind of candyfloss love that the media sells and young teenage boys who dance in unison and have shaggy haircuts sing about. No, this was entirely different.

I had looked at him so many times with the words on the tip of my tongue. I had wanted to say it so often, shout it, sing it, fucking scream it at the top of my lungs, but the more you put it off, the harder it becomes to say. But I was determined to say it tonight. Time waits for no one after all.

Tonight I was going to tell Riaan that I loved him. That I'd fallen in love with him head over heels over head over heels and then some.  

We drove for I don’t know how long, I was too bust practicing saying ‘I love you’ to Riaan in my head that I hardly noticed we had slowed down and were coming to a stop. I climbed out the car and in front of us was what looked like the skeleton of a house. It was a large double story house made entirely of wood, but it was still unfinished. The top storey had windows, the bottom didn't. There were doors in most of the doorways, but some of them  were completly open. It looked like whoever was building it had just started on a large patio that ran the entire length of the house, much like my aunts.

 “What is this place?" I asked enthrawled. 

“It’s the future.”

I looked at Riaan who was unloading a basket from the car, “That’s rather cryptic. What is it?”

“Come, I’ll show you.”

He took me by the hand and lead me inside. The rooms were large and flowed into each other in that open plan way. There were huge French doors on the other end of the house and I instinctively headed towards them , as if something had called me. And when I stood by the doors, I was absolutely floored. Because that’s when you realized where you were. And realized that the whole house was built on top of a hill over looking an enormous valley. You could see for miles and miles in every direction. Below me was the rolling savanna, in the distance a rocking mountain range crawled across the horizon.

“The view… it’s amazing,”

“I’m glad you like it.’ He was standing next to me smiling.

“Like it. Are you kidding, this is incredible.”

‘I thought so too, that’s why I built it here.”

This is your house?”

He nodded, “Did you think I was going to live in the staff village for the rest of my life?”

“Um…” I didn’t have the answer to that. To be honest, I hadn’t even thought about it before. For me Riaan’s natural habitat was the village, I couldn’t actually picture him anywhere else. It was like trying to imagine a polar bear strolling around in a desert.

“Your aunt wants to semi-retire soon and start working less, and I am going to be taking over from her so she gave me some land so I could build a permanent home on,”

I felt his hand on the small of my back and a shiver ran through me, no matter how many times I'd felt his hands on me, it still had the same effect...as if I were feeling them for the first time all over again

“Come, I want to show you the upstairs.”

He lead me up a small staircase that had no rails built onto it yet.  We walked past a long window that stretched the entire length of the two stories, it had no glass in it yet and I shivered. The temperature was dropping as the evening was creeping up on us and it was starting to get dark.

At the top of the stairs there was a single door in front of us, but before I had a chance togo in Riaan turned to me “Wait here for one moment.”

“Why?”

He smiled at me, “Just wait outside, don’t peep.”

“Okay,”

He disappeared into the room and I heard him shuffling about, but I couldn’t make out what he was doing,

“Okay,” He finally stuck his head around the door and gestured for me to take his hand once again. I gave it to him and he lead me in.

I could have said it right there and then….

The room was large with had a double volume ceiling that gave it that rustic feel of being inside a huge barn. It was also filled with dozens of candles that flickered in the breeze that was coming in through the open door. They danced, casting dappled rippling shadows on the walls and ceiling. In the middle of the floor was a large soft looking rug with a picnic basket on it. The rug was covered with scatter cushions and a large pile of blankets was stacked close by. It was the most romantic thing I'd ever seen. Here in this empty, half built house… Riaans house.

He pulled me inside and closed the door behind us. He lead me towards another set of huge French doors that  opened onto a balcony, he pushed them open and we walked out. I was once again face-to-face with the most spectacular view I had ever seen, except this time from this higher vantage point I could see more of the sky. It had turned a beautiful pale purple color as the sun was disappearing behind one of the distant mountains.

It took my breath away. Imagine waking up to this view every morning of your life!

“Coffee? The real stuff?” He asked taking out a flask and pouring me a cup.

“I’d love some.’ (I LOVE YOU) The words were screeching in my head and it was only a matter of time before they were going to come tumbling out of my mouth. I held the warm cup of coffee in my hands drinking it and looking out over the valley sprawled below me. Riaan came up behind me and put his head on my shoulder. We stayed there in silence watching the sun dip lower and lower until it disappeared completely. A tiny star flickered into existence and the sounds of the night started up again.

“I have supper if you’re hungry” Riaan took my empty coffee cup from me and walked me to the carpet and scatter cushions. It was getting cold and he wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. We both sat opposite each other in a starnge silence. We’d barely spoken since arriving, but I could sense there was a whole well of unspoken words that were lurking underneath the surface, for both of us. I could sense that he had something to say as much as I did. Maybe it was the same thing.

We ate in relative silence, I asked him a few things about the house; how long he had been building it and when he thought it would be finished. The conversation felt stilted somehow and I was starting to fear for this perfect evening that we were meant to be having. It was as if things had suddenly gotten awkward, terribly awkward and I wasn’t sure what would fix it.  The weight of all the unspoken words seemed to be weighing us both down.

Riaan looked up and caught my gaze, it was nail bitingly tense. And each minute that passed seemed to get worse and worse until Riaan finally shot up and walked across to the window and looked out. I watched as he did that hand, foot thing again. Running his hand through his hair and then moving his foot around on the floor.  

He finally spoke,

“I brought you here for a reason,”

“Yes…”

He paused before speaking again, “I’m not sure what you think this thing between us is, I’m not sure what you’re going to do at the end of next week, if you are going back to London or….” He stopped again looking nervous, some more hand foot stuff happened before he took a deep breathe as if he was preparing himself, “When you asked me what this place was Zara, I said it was my future, and I know it’s only been three weeks but I was kind of hoping that maybe this could possibly be your future too?” He finally looked up at me. He looked so vulnerable and breakable in that moment that I wanted to run up to him and throw my arms around him. But I didn’t, instead…

“I love you.”