Dear future husband

(12/25/17) letter three

Dear future husband,

So I now know one person who your not. Cross one main person off the list. Back to square one. That's okay. I still can't wait to meet you. I hope there won't be many more in between though. Im really done with heartbreak. It hurts a lot. Im not a fan. I don't like wanting someone more then I was oxygen and not being able to have them. Especially when you've already had them before. Ugh like sucks. Ive been mopey and sad lately. Im really sick of the tears tugging at my eyes all the time. Im always on the verge of a breakdown. But Christmas was good. I hope yours was too. I got a punching bag and a lot of art stuff. Im really excited. I love my punching bag it helps me with my anger so much. And I'm so so so excited for all the painting supplies I got. I just wish I was noticed more. My mom sat and talked to my brother all morning about his gifts. She never once watched me open a gift. I felt left out. I mean he is her favorite what do I expect. I also wish all the Christian crap wasn't a part of my holiday or being misgendered. All day I've been called a girl. And I got a forking devotional and a prayer guide. Even tho I'm an atheist. Even my cards talked about god. And I had to go to church. Im so upset. Im not a Christian. Or a girl. Whatever I can punch my anger out.

I hope you had a good Christmas. I wonder what you got this year. If it snowed for you. What traditions your family has. If you have a family. I wonder about you all the time. So many questions. I don't know. Only time will tell. Either way I hope your happy right now. I wonder if your wondering about me. What I'm like. Who I am. Well you in for a roller coaster is what I can tell you. My emotions are always passionate and always all over the place. Maybe by the time I meet you I'll be more normal. I don't know. I just hope you want me for me. Ugh now I'm spiraling and self hating. I should go. I hope to meet you soon. Merry Christmas!

Sincerely,
Your future husband