midwife » michael gray. [completed]

CHAPTER EIGHT.

→ CHAPTER EIGHT; DEATH & LOVE.

( trigger warning - stillborn baby, mentions of death, sensitive topics )

Hannah knew that this day would come eventually; the day when she would begin to question why she decided to join such a heart breaking profession. There was tears of joy majority of the time, laughter and friendships were shaped because of the beautiful actions that the female body could accomplish. Yet, there was always heartbreak lurking somewhere around the corner. Contamination, lack of money, underprivileged housing and not enough medical knowledge was usually a factor in the anguish and led to a high death rate with babies. Fortunately for Hannah, she had never been faced with a situation such as stillborn, until this day, but she had heard of other midwives speak about it with agony palpable in their voices.

The sound of no crying, screaming or breathing was unquestionably petrifying to Hannah and other midwives. If they were fortunate, they would be able to get the baby breathing again, with a few small smacks, before anything serious happened. Still, there was always the small chance that the new born would not get to encounter their parents, appreciate their youths and grow old. Midwives were professionals, but they still felt heartache for every chilf that they sadly lost, even if they had not directly aided in delivering the baby.

The last few hours had gone tremendously slow for Hannah who was still in shock and disbelief. The hurt that was on Janine Oldfield's face as she was given her child who had not managed to survive would haunt her continually. The vision of her husband, Marcus, trying his absolute hardest to not cry in front of his wife when all he wanted to do was break down, would also haunt Hannah's dreams. But he had to be strong, for his wife, that is what he thought. Even Sister Maria, a midwife who had been in the vocation for over thirty-years, was unashamedly dazed by the death of a new born child, even though she had experienced it countless times before.

"Nurse Anderson, I think it might be best that you leave the rest to me," Sister Maria whispered in Hannah's ear with one hand resting on her shoulder.

Hannah hadn't moved from her position on the floor. Her gloves were covered in the blood, her pinafore no longer sparkling, her clothes were as ruined as her mind. Hannah looked back at Sister Maria, while blinking away a few tears, before sluggishly nodding her head. Hannah hoisted up and removed the blue gloves from her hand, making sure that the new parents did not see the chaos as it would possibly distress them even more.

"The afterbirth will be here soon," she told Sister Maria before walking towards the cleaning station to make herself look more presentable. After a few moments of trying to open the fresh bottle of hand antiseptic, Hannah gave up and turned to Sister Maria with a soft, exhausted smile. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay?"

Sister Maria shook her head before nodding towards the door. "You're distressed, and you can't hide it. If the parents, see you like this..." Hannah looked over towards Janine and Marcus who were holding their new born son in their arms. Even after dealing with such sorrow, a minor grin was still playing on their lips as they held onto their son for dear-life, opposing the tears that were gradually dropping from each parent's eyes. "Go back to the convent and get some rest, love."

Hannah snivelled before rushing out of the door. The cold wind hit her like a tonne of bricks, but she didn't feel a thing, not really. Every part of her body was emotionless as she thought about the parents that were still inside of the house, suffering with nothing but depraved memories of what should have been the start of a lovely life. Hannah didn't know where she was going, who she was going to see or what she was planning as she trudged through the streets. Her hair was a state, clammy and stuck to her forehead; body fluid still dribbled from her clothing, slowly trailing down until it reached the hem of the nurse's work uniform. She wasn't thinking straight; her brain was one big ambiguous mess as it tried to process the last few hours. It had started out well, things were going effortlessly and then the mother was screaming out in discomfort like nothing else, Sister Maria and Hannah were encouraging the woman on as the head of the baby came to show and then nothing, just pure silence, heavy breathing and shocked faces. The silence that followed would be something that Hannah would never, ever forget.