midwife » michael gray. [completed]

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE.

   → CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE; FINAL MEETING.  

  Surprisingly, Tommy stuck to his word and managed to get Hannah a visit to see Michael. There was a letter posted on the Saturday morning saying that Hannah was to visit the prison on the Monday morning at 10am, which Hannah's as grateful for. She had been stuck in the nunnery for nearing on a week and it was sending her insane. None of the nuns were speaking to her and the midwives were only being kind because they felt sorry for her. Betty had attempted to make conversation about Michael but Hannah quickly shut her down and changed the conversation, not wanting to speak about what had occurred over the last few months. It was too much for her to handle.

However, it was Sunday afternoon that Hannah really got a shock. The doorbell rang during Sunday dinner and Hannah was the one to answer the door. When she first saw Tommy stood at the door, she didn't know if she wanted to hug him for getting her the visit or slap him for everything that he had done. She decided to use violence.

"Jesus Christ," Tommy exclaimed as he held his hand to the side of his face, watching Hannah as she shook her hand to stop the stinging. "You said you wasn't a violent woman last week."

"Well, your face just happens to anger me and I can't stop myself," Hannah muttered with a scowl. "What do you want, anyway? You have no right whatsoever to be here."

Tommy stood up straight before handing Hannah a chunky envelope. "A wedding present, from me."

"We never got married, remember? Someone went and ruined the special day by having us all carted off to prison."

Tommy looked down before recomposing himself. "Just take it, please."

Hannah reluctantly looked inside of the envelope and to her shock, found a wad of money. "What's this for?"

"I heard that you had been stripped of all of your midwifery duties and that you would no longer be earning any money. I felt responsible so this is to tide you over for however long you are out of work. However, if you do want a job then I can find you something at the office."

Hannah darkly chuckled before smiling at Tommy. "Down on workers, are you? How many jobs are going? Four? I wonder why that is," Hannah paused and pretended to look confused. "Oh yeah, it's because you had four people put in prison. Not just any people though, your family."

"I didn't come here to discuss that - "

"Why are you here then?" Hannah interrupted. "Why didn't you get one of your cronies to bring it to me? Why did Tommy Shelby personally deliver me an envelope full of cash?"

"I wanted to make sure that you were okay."

"Guilty conscience?"

"Exactly that," Tommy responded, not even trying to deny it any more. He knew that he had done wrong but he was working hard to make sure that he put things right again.

Hannah raised her eyebrows in Tommy's direction and he took it as sign to leave, he didn't want to anger her any more than he already had. By the time he had got to the bottom of the steps though, his name was called by Hannah.

"Thank you," Hannah said sincerely, holding up the envelope. "For this and for getting me a visit to see Michael."

Tommy nodded his head before walking over to his car. He watched as Hannah walked back into the convent and let out a large groan, slamming his hands against the driving wheel, releasing his anger. There was no coming back from this, Tommy understood that completely and he would have to do more than just ask for forgiveness to get his family to trust him again but it was a long road, and Tommy had a lot of hard work to do to make sure that his family got released from prison and were safe back at home.

+++

"Back already?" One of the prison guards sniggered as they checked Hannah down to make sure she wasn't going to cause any harm.

Hannah sarcastically smiled as the prison guard led her towards a small room that was away from the rest of the cells. Hannah didn't have long with Michael but it was enough time to say goodbye and that mattered to Hannah.

"He will be through soon," the prison guard said before walking out of the room.

Hannah took in her surroundings. The last time she had been here was a blur, she tried to sleep for most of the time so she didn't have to listen to all the guards sniggering and be sarcastic, making comments about the fact that she was in her wedding dress for the first twenty-four hours of her stint in prison.

The room was dingy, dark and had a funny smell to it. There was hardly any light in the room, the only source of sunlight coming through the tiniest window in the centre of the wall. It was dismal, which matched Hannah's mood. However, there was only a glimmer of happiness inside of her and she was sure that would grow once she saw Michael's face. She missed him dearly, and this would possibly be the last time she ever saw him, so, she wanted to make the most out of it.

The sound of the metal clinking together was the first sound she heard, followed by many swear words as Michael swore at the prison guards. They had a thing for being too violent.

Michael was faced away from Hannah for a few moments, not allowed to move or look around the room until the guards had removed the cuffs and made sure that he would not run away. Michael wouldn't get very far, he was in pain from the constant beatings and was weak from the lack of food and water.

When the guards had left the room, and had given Michael permission to walk and talk, he still remained in the corner. He couldn't look at Hannah, afraid that he would break down into a million pieces, scared that the guilt would be too much for him and he would crack without a second thought. All of it was too much - he was struggling and all he wanted was his mum, his home and Hannah.

"Look at me, Michael," Hannah said softly, not moving from her chair.

It was the first time that Michael had heard Hannah's voice in over a week. It wasn't a long time, but it was long enough for the two of them. When things were normal, and they were on the outside, enjoying their life, they struggled to spend a day apart and if they had no choice but to not see each other, they would constantly be talking to each other over the telephone.

"Please," Hannah whispered, her voice not strong enough to vocalise any louder. She was heartbroken at the sight in front of her and she didn't know what to do. Her own fiancé couldn't even look at her in the eyes because he was that afraid of ruining everything all over again. "I love you, I do."

That was enough for Michael. Maybe all he needed was reassurance about everything, to know that Hannah still loved him. With his nerves in tatters, Michael slowly turned around and when his eyes landed on Hannah, he almost sobbed. He kept composed though, somehow, as he walked over to the woman that he loved.

Hannah stood up immediately and wrapped her arms around Michael's waist, being careful to not hurt him or disturb any of the injuries that had been made on his body. His arms wrapped around her shoulders, his fingers slowly wandering through her hair. It was the simple things that he had missed, like how soft her hair was, and the smell of her perfume - one that he had brought back from a trip away, Hannah promised to wear it every day and she had stuck to that promise, to the point that Michael spent a whole day looking for the exact perfume after Hannah had run out.

"I've missed you so fucking much, so much," he mumbled into Hannah's hair. He had been worried about this visit since he had found it was going to happen, terrified that Hannah would no longer love him but with her in his arms, he felt at ease with everything. If he did end up dead, he would die happy knowing that Hannah had stuck by him until the end.

After a few moments, the two of them pulled away from each other and took in each other's faces. For all they knew, it could be the last time they ever saw each other.

Slowly, Hannah reached her hand up and stroked underneath one of the open wounds on his face, her heart dropping at the sight. With a quick smile though, she pulled away and reached into the pocket of her cardigan and pulled out a small bottle.

"What's that?" Michael asked curiously.

"It's just a little something to help with these wounds. I figured that the guards wouldn't be looking after them, and I don't want them to become infected. Luckily, they didn't check me down very well. Here, sit on the table and I'll clean you up a little."

"Always the nurse, aye?" Michael joked as he moved over to the table, sitting himself comfortably as he prepared himself for the stinging. He was used to it now, after getting into a few bar fights and turning to Hannah for help when he needed cleaning up, one positive of having a nurse as a fiancée.

"Always. I had to steal this from the convent so I doubt the sisters will be happy if they found out."

"What did they say about the prison stint?" Michael asked.

"They've stripped me off my midwifery duties but I told them straight, stuck up for myself, at least I think I did. I'm not bothered at this particular moment, I just want to spend some time with you and talk about the happier times that we had together, when things weren't so bleak." Hannah smiled softly as she moved to stand in between Michael's legs. "Now, be brave."

"Always am."

A few hisses and curse words later, Hannah had cleaned Michael's wounds as best as she could. Placing her hand softly on his cheek, Michael leaned into Hannah's palm, the softness as a contrast to everything else in the prison. She was his safe haven.

"What are we going to do, Han?" the sad-eyed boy asked with a small pout on his face. "I can't lose you."

Hannah shook her hand and smiled slightly. "You won't. Tommy will sort it, he promised," she replied, her heart fluttering when Michael moved his head slightly to press a gentle kiss against Hannah's palm.

Michael moved one hand up and grabbed Hannah's hand, the one that was resting on his face, and linked his fingers around hers, admiring the engagement ring she still wore, and forever would.

"I have plans for us," Michael said, a giant smile coming onto his face as he thought about the future, and what would happen. "So many plans. It's going to be wonderful, happy, legal."

Hannah chuckled and wrapped her arms around Michael's neck, leaning up so she was face-to-face with him.

"The Shelby family and legal do not go together."

"Hannah, I'm being serious. I want us to have a proper life, away from Small Heath, heck, away from Birmingham. I never want to be in the West Midlands again. Could go up north, or down south. Fuck it, let's go to America."

"America?" Hannah raised one eyebrow at Michael's ambitious dreams, although she did secretly like the sound of it.

"Yeah. Grace used to always go on about New York. Think about how good it would be, just me and you." Michael looked down at Hannah's stomach, smiling softly. "And our children."

"Children?"

"Yes, children. I've already chosen out the names," he replied smugly, a grin on his face. "I've had the past week to think about everything, think about us and it's what I want, more than anything. I fucking love you, more than I have ever loved anybody else - "

"Michael - "

"No, let me get this out, please. I might never get the chance to say this again."

Hannah nodded, allowing Michael to have his peace. He needed to get things off his chest and she was more than willing to listen.

"I remember the day I met you, clearer than anything. Fuck, I knew then that you were something special. Don't ask me how, just did. The way you smiled and talked, your pathetic attempts at lying, how beautiful you looked even though you'd just come back from a delivery. I couldn't stop thinking about you, woke up every day and prayed that I'd bump into you and when we saw each other again, it was like everything made sense. I know it sounds daft, and it probably is, but I just new, Hannah, I truly did. The more that I got to know you, the more I feel in love. I mean, you're funny, intelligent, beautiful and you understand me. Despite all the stuff that I do and despite me ruining everything and being a complete and fucking idiot, you're still here. I've never had that before, you know? My whole life was a lie before I came to Birmingham and even since I came here, I've felt like an outsider. I never truly fit in, I don't know if I ever will, don't know if I will have a chance. You made me feel special though, every single time I was with you. I just don't know how I got so lucky, I really don't."

Hannah stared up at Michael, tears dripping down her face. She didn't even know how to react, she was just heartbroken at the thought of losing him. She could cope with losing her midwifery duties, but she couldn't cope with losing Michael. She'd miss everything about him, from the way he made her a cup of tea in the morning, or the fact he always made her late for work because he couldn't keep his hands off her. She'd miss going back to his after a long shift and chilling in bed with him, the romantic dinners that he would always try to cook for her. The late-night cuddles in the office as Michael worked on the numbers, the car journeys that ended up with them being hours away from home but they didn't care, because they were in each other's company. She'd miss everything about him, even the drama and the lies and crimes. She would sacrifice everything to have him back.

"I can't die, I'm too young," Michael said, his anger becoming clear. "Me and you have only just started pretty much, we didn't even get married. I thought we was going to die when we were old."

"You are not going to die; do you understand me? I won't allow it to happen, love, okay? I'll make Tommy's bloody life a misery if any more harm comes your way because you don't deserve it, you really don't."

"I do, don't I? I've made your life a misery, dragged you into so much shit - "

"I don't fucking care, I never have and I never will. I would do it all over again Michael because despite the negatives, I've loved every single second that I have spent with you."

Finally, breaking down, Michael rested his head on Hannah's shoulder as he sobbed quietly into her clothing. They stayed in that place for roughly five minutes with Hannah whispering sweet nothings and messing around with his brown locks, something that used to bring him comfort when he couldn't sleep at night.

Finally, Hannah spoke up, "I've been here a while now and you haven't even kissed me."

Michael raised his head, the hint of a small smile on his face as he wiped his face. "I haven't, have I?" He placed his hands on Hannah's waist and slightly moved her back so he could jump off the table, ignoring the pain that was not becoming any better, before moving her backwards towards the wall. "I'm sorry for being a mess and crying."

"It's good to cry," Hannah told him, not wanting him to feel ashamed for expressing his feelings. "And it's good to kiss your fiancée."

Michael and Hannah had shared some many kisses throughout their time together; raunchy kisses, soft kisses, playful kisses but nothing like this. It was what they believed to be their last kiss. Possibly the last time that the two of them would ever touch each other in an intimate way, possibly the last time either of them felt safe.

"I love you," Michael said breathlessly as he pulled away for a quick moment, just to glance at Hannah and take her in. He was pulled back soon enough, Hannah showing her love through intimacy. "Promise me something, Han," Michael paused the kiss again, only to go back in for another peck before pulling away completely.

"Okay," Hannah said with confusion.

"Say the worst thing does happen - "

"It might not," she interrupted.

"Say it does though, promise me that you will be happy." It was almost a whisper, as if he didn't want to think about Hannah being happy with someone else, doing things with her future husband that Michael should have been doing with her but despite his feelings, he knew that Hannah deserved to be happy. Out of everyone that he knew, she deserved it the most.

Hannah looked down at the floor before shaking her head. "I can't promise you that, Michael."

"Okay. Well, promise me that you won't think of all the negative stuff that happened. Like, when you think of me, don't think of Father Hughes or Tommy, or when you've seen me covered in the blood of another man. Just think about that holiday that we took together, and the nights in the garrison, just the happier times, yeah?"

"I promise."

"And if I do come out of here alive, will you be waiting for me?"

"You already know the answer to that."

The guards came banging on the door soon after their last conversation, the rest of the time they had together was spent with no talking, just the two of them enjoying each other's company with kisses and touches.

It was perfect, but it was also the worst choice that Hannah had ever made.

+++

Nobody said anything as Hannah walked through the convent, made herself a cup of tea and went up to her room. They didn't know what to say, or where to start. It was Alexandra who spoke about it first when she brought Hannah some toast upstairs, hoping to get Hannah to eat something.

"How did it go?" Alexandra asked carefully, not wanting to upset Hannah too much.

Hannah sat up in bed and rubbed away the tears. Alexandra noticed, but said nothing.

"There's a part of me that regrets it."

Alexandra furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Why do you regret it? It's given you some closure, hasn't it?"

Hannah shook her head. "It's just made it harder. I don't want him to die, and I don't want him to leave me. It's horrible, just looking at him. He doesn't deserve it, Alexandra. It was lovely, it really was. Just being able to talk to him and tell him that I love him but how can I let him go after all that?"

Alexandra moved the tray and leaned over to embrace Hannah. She didn't know what to do, other than comfort her best friend and try to get her through this awful time. Michael wasn't a good person, but he wasn't evil like Sister Maria and others tried to make out. Alexandra knew this and she knew that Michael had his demons and even though she wasn't his biggest fan, she could see how happy he made Hannah and it broke her to know that she could do nothing to help the pair.

"It will get easier with time. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it will. You're strong, Hannah, the strongest woman that I know and if anybody can get through this, it's you." Alexandra wiped away a few of Hannah's tears and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "And like you said, things might not go that far."

"Even if he comes out alive, he will be a broken man and I don't know how to fix him."

authors note; told u i'd be back. i always am!! please show this chapter some love, i have been working on it for like four months lmao, verrrrrry slowly. any comments/feedback are welcome and greatly appreciated. pls vote and do whatever u need to do, share, u name it and thank u for sticking around. ily xo 
also, does anyone know how long the shelbys were in prison for? i'm thinking about a year but i think that is way too long so if anyone knows, or has a decent guess, then lemme know cos i need it for the nxt chapter. 
also my new tumblr is tcmmysheiby so pls follow me on there xx