therapy | destiel

Chapter Ten

Dean's POV

I don't know how I convince Sam to take Jack and hunt this shifter by themselves. They drop me off at Mia's, and idle outside until I go in.

There's no one there except the receptionist, who's way to chipper. "What can I get for you today?" he asks.

"I'm here to see the Doc," I say, "and I'll take a Scotch, neat, on the rocks."

To his credit, the man can take a joke. He laughs, a full, good-natured laugh, and tells me to wait in the living room, and that Doc will be with me shortly.

He's not wrong. Within five minutes, Mia is ready for me. She doesn't seem surprised to see me at all.

"Ah. Dean. Come in."

I take a seat, and promptly put my head in my hands. I don't know why I'm even here. It's not like she can help me.

"What happened to your hand, Dean?" she asks, though I suspect she already knows. I stay silent, and she keeps talking. "You did it to yourself, didn't you?"

Still, I say nothing.

"Do you think Cass would've wanted this for you?"

Of course not.

When Mia speaks again, her voice is soft and gentle. "Can you tell me about her?"

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, I look up. She looks at me encouragingly, and I begin. "Cas was beautiful."

Yes, he was.

"When Cas spoke, the harshness of the world faded. When Cas smiled, I felt less broken, less of a monster. Cas never let anyone do something that they'd regret, but would do anything for anyone. Cas was an angel."

It's silent in the room for a long time. Mia says nothing, only scrawls notes on her notepad.

Suddenly, it strikes me how much more I need to say.

"I had a real crappy childhood, y'know. My dad was always gone, and when he wasn't, he was drunk. Completely wasted. I raised Sam all on my own— tried to make him into everything I wasn't. And I succeeded. But now I can see that I've turned into my father, in all his abusive glory."

Again, I heave a sigh. Mia is silent.

"When I met Cas, I was in a really bad place. I was confused, and hurting, and I just wanted everything to stop. Cas told me I deserved to be saved, and for a long time, I didn't believe it. But Cas made me believe it. Kept telling me it until it stuck."

A salty wetness slides down my cheek, but I continue. "And then Jack came along. Cas told me that it would be fine, that I would be a wonderful father, nothing like my own. I didn't believe her. How could I? I'd been in relationships like hat before— Lisa and Ben, for instance— and I always turn out an obsessive bastard. I told Cas that I would try, but no promises.

"And then Cas..." trailing off, I wipe at my eyes with the back of my I damaged hand. I can't finish the thought.

Mia finishes it for me. "And then Cass died. And you were left hurting and confused.

I nod, unable to trust my voice.

"It's okay, Dean. This is hard to deal with. But you'll be alright. You're strong. Someone who might not walk away from this is Jack."

Her words surprise me, and I look up. Mia elaborated, "The only people Jack has left are you and Sam. And he need you, Dean, to be there for him. To be his father. And even though you're scared, you can't run away from it. Do you understand?"

I think I do. I tell her that, thank her, and call up Sam as I walk out of the office, making sure to wink at the receptionist as I do. Sam answers on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, I'm done. How's the hunt?"

"Over. Shifter's dead, body's burned. Jack and I went to grab a bite to eat."

I look at the time. Right about lunch. "Okay, well, pick me up a burger and meet me at the motel. We'll check out and hit the road."

"Alright. See you there."

"Bye," I say, then end the call. Pulling out my earbuds, I start the trek to the motel on foot.