I'm scared that one day, before we see one another, you will wake up and realize you could do so much better than me. That you will realize their are people much closer to you that could make you so much happier. That, their are people that are your own age that are just like me. I'm scared that you will leave me, you see I've never had a relationship that lasted past two weeks, so one having last six and a half months. That's new to me, I've never really liked anyone before. Though that is probably because they never gave me the chance to really know them before hand. They had the intention of more before we even said one word. But you and I, we didn't even know we were going to be friends till days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. And suddenly I realized you were a person I was actually pretty compatible with. Which has never happened before, I've never had enough in common with someone to talk about. I always had too much different to learn about, we could never talk. But you and I, we can have an entire conversation about absolutely nothing and yet still be on the same page. I've opened up to you in a way I've never done before. Now when I say this I don't mean I haven't told others the same things I've told you. It just means that I was never looking for comfort in you, I had gotten that enough times. I was simply telling you my past in hopes that you could piece together why I am the way I am without me having to tell you. Because I want to be able to come to you with anything and everything, I want you to be able to do the same. You have seen sides of me that no one else has, and that's what scares me most. If you do leave me, that is a trust I won't think to give to anyone again. I will be left feeling empty and alone. I think this is why I usually cut things off, not only because it doesn't take long for me to tell things won't work. But because I never wanted to rely on someone, never wanted to need someone to feel whole. I think this is why I'm questioning things now. I don't want my future planes to have someone that might not actually be in them. I don't want to be alone ever again but I don't want to be with someone. And yet there is something about a relationship that a friendship just can't do. I will probably always have this, this fear in the back of my mind, ever present.
