Start Again

Part 11

Taking a deep breath, Stevie lifted her hand up and held it against the door for a second, hesitating, before she finally knocked. She heard a response from the other side right away. Twisting the doorknob, she entered the guest room Lindsey was currently occupying, her eyes everywhere but on him.

"Are you busy?" 

"Does it look like I'm busy?" Lindsey was laying in bed, with the TV remote in his hand. "Wanted something?"

Stevie nodded her head and approached the bed, Lindsey sat up. "I came to apologize. I know I overreacted."

"Well, I both, agree and disagree with that."

"How come?" Stevie sat down on the edge of the bed, now looking at him. 

"You're right, you have been waiting for a long time. You've been waiting, not really knowing if something was going to happen anyway. I feel guilty about that, I feel like I kept you from someone else possibly. I just didn't expect your reaction, I thought we could talk about it, you know."

Smiling weakly, Stevie crawled up the bed and snuggled by his side. Lindsey's arm instantly wrapped itself around her. "There's no one else. I realized that quite a long time ago. Sure, when we broke up the first time, I wanted to show you that I didn't need you, that I could find happiness in another man's arms, while at the same time you flaunted your women around me. But one breakup after another, I understood and I had to admit it to myself too, that I would always keep looking, that I'd find flaws in every man I was with at the time, because none of them have ever compared to you. Of course, most of the time you drive me crazy and I want to smack you upside the head, but..." She shrugged, tilting her chin up, his eyes on hers. "It doesn't change the fact I'm still hopelessly in love with you."

"Do you think we'd be able to be together again?" Lindsey asked, because more often than not he didn't think so. 

"Well, it depends. You said, you need more time and I'm turning seventy next year, I might die before we're together again." Stevie replied, quite happy with her answer, however, Lindsey rolled his eyes at that.

"I'm serious."

"I'm too, Linds." She brought her hand up, tracing patterns across his chest through the material of his T-shirt. "I think that we owe it to ourselves to at least give it another try."

"You see, I'm not sure I can keep trying. You're right, we are old. I'd say, we're too old to keep on trying. I kind of have to know for sure, because every time we got close to being together, every time things seemed great, then something happened and it separated us - it hurt me too, Steph. I'm not sure how much more of that heartbreak I can take." Lindsey told her sincerely. "That's partly the reason why I said, I need time. I'm still legally married, I don't want to start a new relationship, while technically I'm not single yet. I don't want to confuse the kids, I don't want people to be mean to you."

"Everyone thinks I'm a homewrecker anyway."

"But you're not." Lindsey shook his head, pressing a kiss to her hair. "I don't want any more secrets, I don't want any more affairs, Stevie." She grew quiet, but he knew she was definitely thinking about something. "What's on your mind?"

"I'm just worried." Stevie admitted. "What if I give you time? You won't be committed to me, you'll be able to do whatever you want. What if you decide that you and Kristen aren't finished after all, what if you decide to go back to her?"

"I swear to you, that is not going to happen." Lindsey said, cupping the side of her face, he leaned in to kiss her. It was a simple touch of lips, but they had always been better at showing how they felt instead of expressing it with words. The wedding ring he was still wearing caught his attention. Pulling away from Stevie, Lindsey unceremoniously took the ring off and put it on the nightstand. She half smiled, kissing him again. "I can't give you much more than that, but I promise to you, Stephanie, Kristen and I are most definitely over."