How Could A Heart Like Yours Love A Heart Like Mine

You did nothing

It's been a month since my fathers funeral. I'm back in london with Nicolas. Our wedding is next week. I must say the atmosphere is great around here. My mother is torn and Nicolas is still the same Nicolas.

I think about Thomas everyday. I wonder how his life is. Would he be married already?

Every night I have nightmares. They're always different but they're about the same things. Last night it was a dream about the man. The night before, it was a dream about the night my father died. Every time I wake up screaming. Just like now. I wonder how Thomas would comfort me. How he would hold me in his arms and kiss my forehead. It's going to be okay Grace. I could hear him whisper. It's weird isn't it? He killed my father and yet I still think about him like this. My mother hears me screaming every night but she never comes in to comfort me. I couldn't blame her of course. Daddy's dead and it's my fault.

I'm laying in my bed, starring at the sealing. I'm supposed to have my last fitting today with Nicolas's sister. Urg.
Woah what's this. I sit up and put my hand on my forehead. I'm so dizzy. Oh god. I now put my hand in front of my mouth and I run to the toilet as fast as I can. I threw up my meal from last night. Maybe I had to much scotch? Weird.

I decided to get dressed and my driver drove me to the store. Yasmine was already there. I put on my fake smile and stepped out of the car.
"Oh hi Yasmine! So good to see you." I smiled. I gave her 3 quick kisses on the cheek.
"Yes hello Grace. Let's get inside shall we." She said cold. We entered the store and the designer of my dress was already waiting for us.
"Ms. Cambell. So great to see you again. It has been a while." He said smiling. I saw Yasmine rolling her eyes. She's so mad at me.
"Your dress is hanging in there. Go and put it on!" He said excited. Maidens were waiting for me in the dressing-room. After a big struggle I finally got the dress on.

"Okay, I'm coming out now." I said scared. I wondered how retarded I looked. But when I came out Edward (the designer) gasped. I saw Yasmine flutter her eyes open.
"You look.. amazing" she said shocked.
"Look in the mirror Grace!" Edward practically screamed. I looked in the mirror and I couldn't believe it. Is this me? It was the most beautiful dress I had ever seen. A tear fell from my cheek. Everyone thought it was from happiness but it was the opposite. I wanted to run away again but I knew I couldn't.

Edward was making the last changes on my dress when I saw a weird expression on his face.
"Is there something wrong?" I asked him worried.
"You've put on some weight Miss." He said while he gave me a weird look.
"Oh yes, it must be the stress!" I said calm. My mind exploded. How could I have gotten any fatter when I practically didn't eat?

I was too worried to stay in this dress. I hurried Edward up and I got out of the dress. I said my goodbyes and went back to the car. Just when I wanted to enter the car someone pulled my hand.
"Are you pregnant?" Yasmine hissed.
"No of course not!" I tried not the sound nervous.
"Grace I know about the stupid traditions your family has. Nicolas has told me everything. He's counting down the nights until your wedding night . Did something happen in Birmingham? You can tel me. I've heard worse gossip." She said angry but she also tried to be nice.
"Are you crazy?! Of course not! There will be blood on the sheets!" I said while I pulled my hand away. I got in the car.
"Get me home! Quickly!" I said nervous.

When I finally got home I stormed inside and tried to find my mother.
"MOTHER!" I screamed. Tears were forming in my eyes. Why am I so god damn weak.
"What is it Grace?" I heard my mother shout from my fathers study.
"Mother please I need your help" I pleaded.
"My help? Why do you need help? Just run away again? You always do that when days get hard." She said cold. My heart broke.

"Do you ever wonder why I ran away?" I asked shocked.
"You ran away because you were stubborn!" She shouted.
"Stubborn? Oh please mother are you that naive? Every night Nicolas came into my room DRUNK. I could always hear him stumble up the stairs. You and dad could hear it too! He slept in the same bed with me after he came from the prostitutes. Every time I could smell them on him! He would throw the furniture around and blame me for his sins. Because I didn't want to have sex with him! You both could hear it all but you did NOTHING. You let him beat me! I thank god every day that he didn't rape me!" I screamed crying.
I fell on the ground. My mother came over to me. She took me in her arms. I was sobbing.
"I'm so sorry darling. I wanted to do something. The business was just to important for your dad." She cried.
"You wanted to help me?" I asked.
"Of course my sweet child. Why do you think I told Nicolas that I needed time to grieve? I didn't want to see him around the house. I though I could protect you at least one month." She sobbed.
I hugged her tightly. She has let me down in the past but I so need her right now. It feels good to be in my mothers arms.

"Mom, I need your help." I told her. I whipped away my tears.
"What is it darling?" She asked.
"I did something very stupid in Birmingham and now.. Now I really need to see a doctor." I said looking down.
"Why do you need a doctor?" She asked worried.
"I think I might be pregnant.."