Sometimes it all gets a little too much

the future???

hey guys

so I'm at an age where i feel people expect me to know what i should do with my future, yet i haven't a clue. my family all brand me as this creative person, but honestly i don't see it, yes i can sort of draw but i've a very limited imagination. my family are always advising and telling me what i should do. i know they mean no harm. but after a while it just sticks and i believe them even if deep down i'm just not sure. i wish i knew myself but i don't.

they all say i should be a makeup artist or a hairdresser and id love to but i believe i'm not good enough or that i wont succeed. im drawn to make up, but im scared once i start ill be really bad and ill fail. i think i have a fear of failing. what if i hate it once i start or i don't pass the exam or cant do it properly or don't succeed after i qualify.

many people tell me i wont make a living from makeup. too many my age know how to do their own makeup. that scares me. WHAT IF I CAN'T. WHAT IF I CAN'T MAKE A LIVING.

then there is hairdressing...what if i can't cut hair straight or im not good enough or i fail. these are my thoughts and i'm terrified or that i'm not smart enough. 

that is my main thing i think of daily when i think of my life and academics, im not smart enough. i've convinced myself that i'm not able for college. i have convinced myself i won't be able due to me always saying it to myself i've led myself to believe it.

i've always had this you could call dream, that i qualify makeup and go straight to london. i've always dreamed of living in London. now though i believe that is a big dream and i wont be able to fulfil. the world is a lot different than i've imagined and im scared to step out of my comfort zone that i call home. 

my damn fear is just failing and letting my mom down. my two sisters are so smart, i'm not and i think everyone knows it. i think they expect i won't do as well as them and i believe it too.  

I really wish someone could just tell me what path in life to take as choosing my path is stressful, what if i make the wrong choice. 

Where is my fairy god mother. 

does anyone else have this dilemma?? 

is anyone out there struggling to decide what to do in life??

does everyone go through this or just me. really would love some feedback.

 love laur xoxo