Lilac
My fingers shake as I grab another of Samuel's shirts; folding, placing it in the suitcase, taking it out, unfolding, then again.
"No matter how many times you fold that shirt, it's going to fit into the suitcase the exact same way." Samuel's voice is cautionary as it rings from his position across the room.
"Don't do that. Don't speak to me as if I have no reason to be upset. I'm not some volatile teenager anymore," I tell him.
I can feel his steps drawing closer.
"I'm sorry," he says, gently kissing my shoulder. "But baby, it is just a shirt."
"It's not just a shirt!" I exclaim. "This is a routine. I don't know why you even bother to unpack your things when you return because you always leave again."
"Do you think this is easy for me, Lilac? Do you think I revel in being away from you for so long? It kills me. It kills me every single day."
"Then why do you have to go? King David has an abundance of advisors. Some have been in their positions even longer than you. Why is it always you that has to leave?" A tear falls down my cheek, but I wipe it away angrily.
He slides his hands down my arms to my shaking hands, removing his shirt from my fingers, and covering his hands over mine.
"I'm his first advisor. This is my duty to my country, Lilac. I must go," he says, but the heartbreak in his voice reveals the truth. It hurts him to leave me. I know that.
I twist in his arms, burying my face in his chest.
"I know that. But I hate it, Samuel. I hate it so very much. And I know that is selfish, but I cannot help it," I tell him, hopelessly.
He buries his fingers in my hair, holding me against him.
"I know, darling. I know."
~*~
The sun coming in from the window beats heavily on my face. I wish I could bury myself in the duvet and pretend that it isn't sunrise—to pretend that the night could last forever, and morning would never come. Samuel would never leave.
I shift in the bed to face him expecting him to be asleep, but he isn't.
I smile and inch closer to him. "How long have you been awake?"
"Long enough." He reaches out and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. "I've just been thinking of how beautiful you were when we first met, and how infinitely more beautiful you get each day as I fall more and more in love with you."
I set my palm against his cheek, running my fingers across his stubbled cheek.
"Don't say such things to me, Samuel. I will never let you leave this bed."
Samuel's lips curl up into a cynical smirk. "Oh, really?" he teases, pulling me closer, his lips grazing mine.
I giggle against his mouth.
He tugs at the strings of my nightdress.
"Samuel," I whisper against his mouth. "We can't do this now."
"Why not?" he says, his mouth trailing my jawline, down to my neck.
I moan at the feeling he arouses within me. "We have to get up soon."
His fingers ease across my waistline and on downwards.
I gasp. "Samuel, I—"
And then I feel it. My son, moving inside me. Samuel has been gone for much of my pregnancy. He has never had the chance to feel him.
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