Reverie

CHAPTER 1

This is a story about depression and self harm. Please be warned after you proceed from this.

It rained that day. The sky shrouded in hues of gray as little droplets hit her face. She smiled at the feel of it where no one can distinguish the tears from her eyes to the rain drops softly caressing her face. She didn't care if she'll get a cold, she actually wishes it or maybe, if she's lucky, catch something worse. She sighed and prepared herself to move again. Each step a bit hesitant from the next as she clutched the strap of her bag a bit tighter and kept her head down.

'Why not end it today?' She thought to herself. 'What makes tomorrow different from today? They're all the same, everything is the same...' she tried to dismiss the thoughts that are building up but it's starting again. Like a curl of the wave building up from a distance and crashes on the shore. Her mind was somewhere else as she made her way home.

"Hey, Eli, are you back home?" she heard the moment the door closed a little too loudly. She cringed as she mentally reminded herself to close the door slowly next time.

"Yeah, mom." She mumbled.

"Can you get me water? It's on the dinning table." Her mom said never taking her eyes off the computer screen as she was fitting a puzzle piece with the others that she had already formed.

She silently sighed to herself as she adjusted the bag on her shoulder and made her way to where her mother's half empty glass stood, grabbed it and stood silently at her back.

"Thank you." She said as she turned and took the glass from Eli's hand. She took a sip from it and went back to her computer screen.

Eli turned her back after a minute and proceeded to the staircase to go up to her room.

"Take a bath! You're soaking wet!"

**********

Click. She is now in the safety of her room. A place of familiarity; her laptop on her desk, books on her shelves and some strewn across the floor, Clothes from yesterday lay misshapen. She made her way to her laptop and turned it on then put her bag down on the bed and took her things out. One in particular she took longer to put down. A notebook. Just like any other notebook, It was old and had some of the pages sticking out, a crease on the side and an indentation where it was folded one too many times. It was already a part of her, one she could never part with or let anyone else hold. It had her thoughts, her deepest darkest secrets, her desires and what she could never tell anyone. It's the only thing she had her full trust on.

She slumped on the floor with her back to the foot of the bed, the comforter was comfortable against her back. She caressed her notebook's cover imagining what's inside it and that feeling was sweeping over her again. Her phone suddenly rang. The light blinked in a pulsating manner as Slenderbodies' anemone started filling her room. She loved that song. She let the phone ring just staring at her notebook's cover with a smile. She got lost in her thoughts again and subconsciously brushed her right hand on her left inner forearm. Creak. Her senses heightened and suddenly stared to where the sound was and sighed, calming her heart down.

"I called you. But you didn't answer."

"Hey, Matthew. We have a door you know."

Matthew stared calculatingly at her as he made his way from her window to where she sat while grabbing the towel that was placed on the back of her chair.

"Showered in the rain again, huh? How long was the last time you showered, three weeks?"

Eli gently elbowed him after he placed the towel on her shoulders and rubbed her upper arms to create a little bit of heat.

They sat silently as Eli was fidgeting with her finger nails.

"You know you can talk to me right? I'm not like the others that you fear would judge you. You know me better than that."

"I know... Just – not right now okay, Matt? I don't feel like it today." Eli said as she put her hands on her shoulders and suddenly felt a shiver begin.

"I better take a shower." She said as Matt stood up and extended his hand. She held his hand and helped her up.

They made their way to the hallway and Eli stopped as she was about to enter the bathroom. Matt proceeded to the stairs and stopped before taking the first step down as Eli called out to him.

"Hey, Matt? You doing anything tomorrow afternoon?"

He shook his head.

"You wanna hang out, maybe go for a swim or watch a movie or something?"

"That sounds great. I'll wait downstairs this time, god knows when you answer your phone. Around 1-ish?"

"Sounds great. See you, Matt."

"Laters! - oh! Hey Mrs. Rodgers, bye Mrs. Rodgers. "Matt said as he disappeared from Eli's sight and was replaced by her mom peaking through the stairs her hand on the top newel.

"Amelia, come along, dinner is ready."

She nodded and went into the bathroom.

*****

It's starting again. The pressuring feeling – it's heavy... the cold is setting in... the noises, the noises... Oh, god, please make it stop. Make it stop, make it stop. Make. It. Stop. AAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!