~Robert~
The last year has been awful... I can't stop thinking about her.
She was the light in my dark, and now, when she is gone my whole life is dark and I can't get out of it.
I was sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace staring into the fire.
I knew this night would end up with me crying and I didn't want that. I wanted to be happy, but I couldn't be happy, not without her.
"You need to get your shit together Rob" I said to myself as I walked to the bathroom. I decided to take a shower, maybe that would make it easier to fall asleep.
After the shower I went to bed, sleep was my best medicine...but it was hard to relax when there were thousands of thoughts spinning around in your head.
I couldn't sleep so I picked up my phone.
A new message. "Hi hottie"
It was from the girl I meet at the club last night, I had been really drunk and I gave her my number, I don't even know why, I guess I was just too drunk.
I didn't respond because I didn't want to make her think that I was interested.
I scrolled through my conversations and when I saw her name on the display I felt weak, I could feel my heart ace as I read her name. "Kristen"
I clicked on the conversation and I immediately knew that this was a bad idea.
I read through some of our texts;
"Kristen, I'm so sorry"
"There is nothing you can do to fix this Rob...nothing"
"I can't let you go"
"You cheated on me Rob!! You can't fix this"
"I'm sorry.."
It has been a year now, I couldn't get over her, I needed too see her, but I couldn't, she didn't want to see me.
I thought about yesterday at the bar, the only thing I remember was that girl and all the paparazzi's.
The only reason I go out with my friends is to try and focus on something else then her, it's hard so I usually get really drunk. That's the only way I can keep my thoughts away from her. My body goes all numb and I can't feel the sadness anymore.
But when I sober up everything gets even worse than before, every time.
Maybe that's why I'm so sad tonight.
I could feel my eyes water so I put my phone back on the bedside table and covered my face with my hands.
The tears streamed down my face and I knew I couldnt do anything to stop it.
I uncovered my face and turned so I laid on my back looking up into the ceiling.
After about an hour my sight was still blurry but I could see my phone light up and I turned my head to look at it.
It was a text, a text from a person I didn't think would ever talk to me again. She sent me a text...I didn't know if a was happy or sad but the tears started streaming again. I opened it and I quickly blinked away all the tears.
It said;
"I need to talk to you, tomorrow. Meet me at my house at 4pm"
I couldn't sleep last night, I was just thinking of every possible thing that she could say this afternoon. I didn't know if she was angry and if that was the case I didn't know what I had done.
And now I was standing in the kitchen making breakfast and I was so happy I couldn't think clear.
I haven't done anything wrong so she can't be angry at me. Right?
The day went by slowly but now it was almost 3pm. I needed to take a shower and shave before I left to go to her house.
I fixed my hair and put on some clothes. I picked the tshirt that she liked the most and then I headed to my car.
My hands were shaky as I drove up her driveway.
"Just go Rob, you need to just get out of the car and knock on her door. Nothing bad is going to happen"
I tried to convince myself to get out of the car. It took a few minutes but then I was standing at her door. I slowly raised my hand and knocked.
When I was waiting for her to open the door I looked around me. It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining. I hadn't noticed the weather until now but I guess I had other stuff to think about.
I could hear her steps and when she reached the door she took a little pause and then she pushed down the handle.
She opened the door and I could see her eyes. They were concerned and I felt the fear run through my body. Maybe she was angry?
But there it was, that beautiful little smile that made me want to kiss her.
But I couldn't, I didn't know what she wanted so I just stood there. The fear disappeared as soon as she smiled and I guess I wasn't that worried after all.
