High school-actually the best time of my life

Thirteen

Helas POV:

Loki was officially moving in. I didn't need to show him around so we ended up telling each other terrible jokes and come backs and riddles until 2 in the morning.

L:When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

H: can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course it can. A house can't jump.

L: what is the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snowballs.

H: how do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.

L: what do you call a fat psychic?
A four chin teller.

H: if four out of five people suffer from diarreha does that mean one person enjoys it?

L: what do you call two fat people having a chat?
A heavy discussion.

H: Simba was walking to slow so I told him to mufasa

L: when is a door not a door?
When it's ajar

H: what costs nothing but is very hard to find, yet can easily be lost?
Friendship

L: what always ends everything?
The letter g

H: the maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it, and the user doesn't know it. What is it?
A coffin.

L: what is easy to spot but hard to find?
Talent.

H: what do you call a three humped camel?
Pregnant

L: what can you serve but not eat?
A tennis ball.

H: if you want me you'll have to share me, but if you share me I will be lost. What am I?
A secret.

L: you have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?

H: Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.

L: Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

H: If you're waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat, 'cause it's gonna be a really long time

L: Some day you'll go far—and I really hope you stay there.

H: 6. I'm trying my absolute hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just can't get my head that far up my ass.

L: Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

H: I'm not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.

L: You only annoy me when you're breathing, really.

H: Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.

L: I'd give you a nasty look but you've already got one.

H: If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.

L: I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?

H: If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

L: The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

H: It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.

L: If I wanted a bitch, I'd have bought a dog.

H: I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ass.

L: I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.

H: Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons.
They forgot to mention morons.

H: You're so fat you could sell shade.

L: Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?

H: Your lips keep moving but all I hear is "Blah, blah, blah."

L: Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.

H: You'll never be the man your mother is.

L: Did you know they used to be called "Jumpolines" until your mum jumped on one?

H: Just because you have one doesn't mean you need to act like one.

L: I'm sorry, was I meant to be offended? The only thing offending me is your face.

H: Someday you'll go far... and I hope you stay there.

L: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.

We soon fell asleep insulting each other.