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2018

2018 is the year I plan on actually doing my New Years resolutions. Ik ik everyone makes them but doesn't do them which I 100% understand. That's why ima make just one so I can focus all my atttention on it. So without further ado........ta da

My New Years resolution is: to tell the truth when deserved

But the key point to the is that I will only tell the truth when needed or deserves as stated above. So if the situation does not call for the truth the truth shall not be spoken

Fun fact: even angels will lie if it will save someone's life

But in my situation I'm not an angel, a fallen one maybe, but I'm far from an saint. I'm human after all

So this year I will take not bullshit and I will not speak bullshit unless needed to be spoken.

I will hurt feeling ok and I will find out if these people I'm already reluctant to trust can handle the real me.......
Not the me who will tell them what they wanna hear but the me who is

1) quiet-ish
2)bold once demanded
3)and asshole {not afraid to admit it}
4) whose #sorrynotsorry
5) who does dumb stuff knowing it's dumb
6) who has a mind that should be locked away for years in a psychiatric ward
Etc etc

But if u can't handle that well then refer to number 4 please

Just okay ik I'm gonna become the worst scum ever but I shall be free from the lies I have to live with everyday

And so how sweet that freedom will be

But sometimes I lie for good reasons

One as to protect you from yourself because of lie about caring for people and words can only go so far

For example, this so called boyfriend I have
But if he only knew I didn't like him like that in the slightest
I just did it because he needs a friend in his life

And I also thought that if I continue to have this illusion around me about how I care for people maybe I can trick myself into actually believing it

Because another face about me is that I DONT CARE

which most will say is a lie

"Oh so you don't care huh well if -enter family member here- died I bet you would care"

Actually the chances that I would care are low
Since every waking moment that I'm alone with my brain I go through such scenarios

And I just don't see myself caring one bit
But I'm only human and human minds are so mysterious that I believe this higher up people believe in doesn't even know

No one does

But this sort of thinking makes me feel not human
Like I'm detached from the world
Like I'm a ticking time bomb waiting to go off
Tick tock tick tock tick tick tick BOOM

Then my mind will just explode with all these delusions I try to keep at bay

That I will actually become this psycho path that I'm afraid I already am

But maybe I'm just overthinking

That's my specialty you know

Wait when did we get off topic
LOL

As I was saying this is the year for truth so if u have question ask but don't be mad at the response you get

Since you shouldn't ask questions your afraid of the answers to

Why am I like this I wonder?!