Don't Fall

lost cause

"Heyyyy Dan." A slurred voice called out to me.
"What." I said bluntly.
It was dark, very dark. All I saw was a figure advancing towards me, and I'm ashamed to say, but I was scared. I've always been afraid of the dark, well not particularly the dark, just the things that lurk in the dark. And right then, one of those things were coming for me.
"Phil?" I asked, for the first time in forever, hoping it was him.
"Yup, baby." Phil's voice turned deep and husky.
I reached out in an attempt to hit him, but failed miserably. I felt a dip in the bed and saw a face close to mine.
Phil's breath smelled of alcohol.
"A-are you drunk?" I questioned instinctively scooting away from him.
I know what alcohol does to people and I do not want to be the victim of what's about to come next.
"I guess you could say that." Phil chuckled and scooted closer to me.
"Did I ever tell you how pretty you are?" Phil set his hand on my thigh and I became suffocatingly uncomfortable.
"Phil." I said sternly as I moved his hand away.
Phil kissed my hand softly and made my stomach flutter.
"P-phil please." I stuttered, trying not to get lost in his affectionate actions.
"Please what, baby?" He questioned and put my hand down.
I looked around the room and thought. This is Phil Lester's room. He brings different people to fuck and forget here every night. Was I just one of them? Did he only save me to get in my pants?
"Are you just trying to get with me? You probably didn't even want to save me." I said quietly hoping the drunken Phil didn't hear it, but when I looked over at him, his whole expression had dropped.
"Dannn. You're beautiful. I miss you. I wish you were here." Phil said, like I wasn't right in front of him.
"Um, Phil. What do you mean? I'm right here, in front of you." I said, genuinely confused.
"No no no. Y-you're not actually here. The real Dan 's somewhere in space," Phil motioned to our surroundings, "but you're here. You're not Dan! B-bring him back!" Phil's voice started to raise and he pushed me back against the bed.
He started to laugh and then he cried. He looked like a maniac. Phil laid his head on my chest and wrapped his arms around my stomach tightly.
"I w-want Dan back." He mumbled in between sobs.
I almost cried just at the sight. I understood fully how Phil felt because it's how I felt all the time, but all the things that have happened prevented that. I don't-
"I'm gonna bring him back, even if it's the last thing I do." Phil said, interrupting my thoughts.
"Phil.." I said but didn't continue.
He picked his head up and his red eyes stomped on whatever was left of my heart.
"You w-wanna know the truth?" Phil slurred.
I looked up at him and he took that as a yes.
"I-i didn't do it. I'm so stupid. I'm a v-virgin." Phil confessed and looked down.
He absentmindedly started to trace shape into the expanse of skin that wasn't covered by my shirt.
"Oh." Was all I could say.
All the rumors, weren't true?
"It was that stupid girl at the party. She was crazy. I only wanted to help. I didn't want her. No one believed me." Phil explained further, making only a little bit of sense.
He must of tried to help her with something in private, and she went around talking about how he fucked her.
"I don't even like girls." Phil rolled his eyes, but mine widened.
Phil was gay?
I mean I've known him since primary school and I had a hunch, but I was never sure. Well, I guess you learn something new everyday.
Phil took my face in his hands and made me look at him, causing me to sit up.
"I want you." The three simple words made my jeans tight and my breath and heartbeat quicken.
Phil leaned in and started kissing my neck. Sucking and biting, probably leaving marks.
"P-phil!" I gasped out of pleasure and surprise.
I pushed him away, but he just didn't get the message, moving his hand onto my thigh and guiding it up. He leaned in again and licked from my ear to my collarbone making me shudder.
He stopped at my collarbones and started sucking on them.
"Phil." I said maybe too quietly because his free hand reached to my shirt and prepared to take it off.
"PHIL!" I shouted and pushed him roughly off of me.
"What?!" He shouted back and stood up.
"Don't do that." I said closing my eyes and trying to calm down.
"B-but, you want it and I want it, we both know that. What's the problem?" He was still shouting.
I started worrying that the neighbors would hear us.
"I-I don't want you. It's too early for that." I argued.
"Who said I wanted to fuck you?" Phil cursed and caught me off guard.
"Y-you're drunk, Phil." I reminded him.
I really wanted to disappear forever, so I didn't have to deal with this.
Phil rolled his eyes and sat on the bed.
"You do want me." Phil whispered.
"Fuck off!" I shouted.
"You fuck off! You act like I'm dumb or something. I know things and I can see. You obviously want me, but you're just to bitchy to see it. I don't care anymore. You're a lost cause, you've always been and I can't help you anymore. No one can! You close yourself off and you don't talk to me anymore! I wanna be there for you, but I can't when you're not here in the first place." Phil seethed not caring about what was coming out of his mouth.
Hs words stabbed me. I bled, but not in the form of blood, in the form of words and out of my mouth.
"Fuck you! If I'm such a lost cause then why did you ask me to stay? You've never been there for me. Fuck the promises we made when we were little, you never followed them! You're a self centered bitch and I can't believe I thought you had changed today. You wanna know why I close myself off? Huh? You wanna know why it seems like I'm not here?!" I was yelling at the top of my lungs now.
Phil didn't say anything so I kept on going.
"My mom, the only fucking person that cared about me anymore, killed herself. While you were off with your fucking "besties" I was crying over a tub full of blood. When your "besties" beat me up for crying in class, i was making plans to follow in my mom's footsteps and I still am. You don't care! No one cares anymore! You're right, I'm a fucking lost cause. I should just die right now." I confessed and then broke down. I was a shaking, sobbing mess.
Phil's expression changed so quickly that I thought his head would explode.
"Oh my god, Dan I-" Phil didn't finish his sentence because I started sobbing louder, literal oceans falling out of my eyes. He held me tight and I leaned into him.
"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." Phil whispered, definitely sober now.
"I'm sorr-" Phil was about to repeat but chocked on a sob.
"Why why why?" I repeated over and over just like that night.
Phil slowly took my shirt off, along with his.
He slipped us into the bed and held me to his chest as we both cried ourselves to sleep.