Seasons And Changes

Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3 |

A Song for You

MISHA CATHERINE

Pregnant.

Brigitte is pregnant. She's 21, will graduate BS Nursing next year and she's pregnant. What made things worse is that the guy who shot his seeds inside her isn't her boyfriend because she doesn't even have a boyfriend! That's why our father was livid awhile ago.

I'm never close with her. Kahit noong mga bata pa lang kami, hindi na talaga kami malapit ni Brigitte. I don't even call her Ate even if she's five years older. Magkaiba kami ng mga hilig at ugali at palagi lang kaming nagaaway noon pa man kaya hindi talaga kami nagkaroon ng chance na maging close. That's why I don't exactly know how to react to this situation. Our mother even left us alone together dahil kailangan daw niyang puntahan si Daddy. If I'm not shocked as I am now, sasabihin kong ako na lang ang pupunta kay Daddy. I'm more of a daddy's girl at si Brigitte naman ang favorite ni mama.

"Sorry Misha." she started crying again kaya bigla akong napalapit sakanya to offer my shoulder. She hesitated at first, but ended up hugging me anyway. "I'm really sorry."

Hindi ko naman alam ang isasagot ko. I don't know why she's apologizing and I don't know if I should console her or something. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong sabihin kaya pinili ko na lang tumahimik at niyakap na lang siya.

"Alam kong hindi tayo sobrang close pero gusto ko pa ring mag-sorry para sa nagawa ko. I failed you as an older sister and as a part of this family. As much as I want to be an ideal sister to you, ang masasabi ko lang huwag na huwag mo akong tutularan Misha. Don't commit the same mistakes that I did and hurt mom and dad like I did." halos hindi siya makapagsalita pero sa kabila ng mga hikbi niya ay nagawa pa rin niyang iparating sa akin ang gusto niyang sabihin. Nanatili pa rin akong tahimik dahil hindi ko naman alam kung meron ba dapat akong sabihin. I wasn't aware that tears were already falling from my eyes.

Today is the last day of school and Christmas break had officially began. I half-enjoyed our class Christmas party but I was half out of it. I know something changed in me after what happened two weeks ago. Dalawang linggo na simula nang umuwi si Daddy, at dalawang linggo na rin simula nang malaman kong buntis si Brigitte. Sa pagkakaalam ko, tatapusin na lang niya yung internship niya this year bago tutukan ang pagbubuntis niya. Wala akong ideya kung ano ang pinagusapan nila ng mga magulang namin at ng school niya.

Hanggang ngayon, wala pa akong napagsasabihan sa mga kaibigan ko tungkol sa sitwasyon sa bahay, dahil hindi ko naman alam kung dapat ko bang ibalita sa kanila 'yon. Kahit sakanila Eli, hindi ko pa rin nababanggit. Hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit sobrang nalulungkot at nasasaktan ako dahil don, gayong hindi naman kami close ni Brigitte. It's been two weeks but the heaviness I felt in my chest; that heavy void is still here. I'm feeling nothing but at the same time, I feel like everything is broken in me. It's empty but at the same time I feel like I'm filled with mess. And I don't know why though. I don't understand why I'm feeling like this.

The sun was down and the clock read past seven in the evening when I decided to leave the house. I went to the Treehouse and settled in one of the two old-jeepney tire swings that Tito Elizeo and my dad made when I was six and Eli's seven. I looked up to the sky while swaying slowly; it was painted with bluish purple and dark grey hues with only few stars and a crescent moon to decorate the blank canvass. Two strong colors for a heavy mood, just like the two bombs that exploded these past days.