Today Scout Melissa and I decided to go downtown by train (It's the first time my parents let me do it). On our way there, Scout kept telling me how much she would love to have a gay best friend... But I didn't feel prepared to tell them yet so I just listened and pretended I didn't give a fuck.
First we went to Starbucks and I said my name was Dylan (I always say that when I go there) and the stupid guy wrote Dilan! DILAN!? Who the fuck writes Dylan with "i"?! I first got mad and told myself I would never go to starbucks again... But then I thought about it twice and I figured that I wasn't gonna be able (I admit I am kinda Hipster).
Then we went to a big shop where you can find ANYTHING! From videogames to friky toys.
As Melissa and Scout love rock groups and consider buying CD is much better than downloading them from the internet we went to.the music section and they spent 3 hours looking for strange groups I never heard about, and I was just playing a piano and watching them shouting from time to time "OMG I LOVE THIS GROUP!!".
In one moment I looked up and the fist thing I saw was two guys from my age (more or less) kissing. That made my blood boil and I felt really jealous. Jealous of them feeling free to go in front of everyone and kiss.
Then I though how my life would be if I wasn't inside the closet. If I was brave enaugh to tell everyone the truth. Then someone interruped my fantasies... When I turned I saw Scout smiling at me.
-Have you seen that?! That was so cute!- She said, and I internally agreed, but as I said just internally.
I spent the rest of the day with that image in my mind, thinking "and if I just told Scout and Melissa?" but everytime I tried I just couln' t say it. The words didn't go out of my mouth. But it's not as easy as saying "i'm gay". I had just told one person, but that was long time ago and she leaves in California.
As I couldnt do it I just thought it was the universe telling me I shouldn't do it so I didn't. But when I got home, I was really feeling depressed, and I needed to say it so I took my phone and sent a message to Scout telling her. I told her first because it was her telling me all day she wanted a gay best friend.
-Scout there is something I need to tell you... but don't say it be cause you can ruin my life... you said you wanted a gay best friend right? well you already have it.- I wrote. I wanted to tell her not directly, but in a way she could understand. I still wasnt able to say "I'm gay". And it worked! She was in fact really happy that her dream became true. Then we decided to tell the rest, but as I couldnt do it I asked her to write it in the group Melissa Scout Sophie and I had.
They also reacted well! They told me that I had done good telling them and that they would help me to get a boyfriend.
This was the best day of my life. The day I really cleared my mind up and my entire life changed. I feel free, happy, myself. Now there was just one more problem... My girlfriend.
