Call Me Klein

Sweet Surrender

Going home is not the highlight of my day. Any day. No matter how tired or mad at the world I am. I don't have a home. I live in an orphanage. I still can't wrap my mind around how I came to be there but my thoughts are often interrupted here. The final bell lets out a high pitch squeal letting everyone know they can leave this inevitable hell. I walk slowly out the door and into the crowd of dispersing students and faculty. I watch as loving parents pick up there ungrateful children telling them to "hold on" so they can say goodbye to their friends. 'It's only the weekend.' I think. 'You'll see them on Monday.' I walk on, towards the main street when I hear someone yell behind me. "Hey!" The angelic voice of my dreams yells. I turn to face him but turn back around. Who am I kidding? He's not calling to me. But I was wrong. I hear his sneakers slap the steps, running up along side me. "Hey." He says again. I look at him, quickly looking away. His brown eyes so beautiful. But I'm not allowed to look at them, am I? After all, he is Marrisa's. I realize I haven't said anything back. I swallow, my dry throat feeling prickly from the cold. "H-Hi." I manage to stutter. He smiles, his dimples so deep you could fall into them. "How are you?" He asks. "I have to go." I spit. I can't allow myself to fall for him anymore than I have. I've been hurt before and the pain doesn't go away. "Wait," he interjects, grabbing my wrist. If only he knew what was hidden under the sleeve. He wouldn't bother talking to me would he?... No. That's what I thought. "Are you alright?" He asks. 'No.' I answer in my head. "Yeah." My lips lie. He smiles faintly, satisfied he doesn't have to dig deeper into my problems. "Okay... Can I walk you home?" Damn it! Leave me alone you beautiful creature! I know it seems odd I have been ranting about wanting him to be mine and for him to notice my existence, and now that he has I wish for nothing more than for him to leave me be. I sigh. He can't know where I live. I can't bear for another person to know where to find me. Where to carry out further silent torment after I have left school for the day. "I'm alright." I breathe. Do not misunderstand me. I would have love for him to walk me home. And to see his true smile when he sees me walk through the front door, and wave goodbye knowing I will be safe and at school the next day. But that is not the case. He would not stand unphased by my place of residence. And he would not smile as he watches me step into the house of everlasting pain. And no matter if he walks me to the door and tucks me in at night, I will never be safe there. And that is the only promise I can make.

I make a run towards the raggedy, run down house I call home. Although I'd rather not call it that. The orphanage I reside in, often referred to as "The Asylum", houses 17 children including myself. The group of boys called "The Unwanted" (quite an appropriate name if you ask me) practically dominate the younger kids. There are 6 boys in The Unwanted. Now these boys... are horrible. In fact, what they do is so terrible there is not even a word to descirbe how awful they are. Matthew Kees, the leader is the especially cruel.

There's something about these boys that I've never told anyone though. And when it comes down to it... Can you blame me? Now besides the occasional abuse these boys put upon the helpless, you must also take into consideration that these are teenaged boys with raging hormones and a thirst for blood. So those that they beat upon but sustain injuries they are not satisfied with...

They rape.

I slowly close the door behind me. I'd rather not let the whole orphanage know I was home. It's only 3, the adults who run the orphanage are still at work. Now you'd think they'd devote their time to taking care of the misfit and poorly treated children who live here, but no. It's not like that at all. It's concerning that the government knows nothing of it either. I creep my way up the steps to my room but I am blocked on the final step. I swallow hard, knowing what was ahead of me. Pain. Tears, suicidal thoughts, and lots of pain. "There's my favorite girl." Matthew smirks. I hate him. I want to vomit when he touches my arm. 'Maybe if I answer they'll leave me alone.' I think. "Hi Ma--" A hand whips across my face, leaving a stinging hand print. "I didn't tell you to speak bitch!" He clamps his hand down on my upper arm and practically drags me to my room. "Help!" I cry out. It's no use. The only people home are little kids, what more can they do but watch? He throws me onto the floor as one of the other boys closes the door behind us. It's dark in the room, the cloudy December afternoon outside doesn't help either. Matthew smiles as he steps towards me. I back away from him as far as I can but hit my back against the wall. He puts his hands up innocently. "Whoa babe, easy..." He grabs my waist throwing me onto the bed. He laughs as he climbs on top of me, pinning me down. I don't squirm as much as I used to. It only ends with me being slapped. He snaps his fingers and one of his friends hands him pieces of rope. He flips me on my stomach and ties my hands and feet to each of the bed posts. "Don't worry..." He whispers in my ear. I flinch away and he finds it amusing. "I'll make it quick this time." I hear the clatter of his belt being undone as his friends smile to one another, watching. All but one. Then I go numb, and slip into the comforting familiarity of darkness. And wave my metaphoric flag in sweet surrender.