Confident

- 2 -

So I'm back in the room and it's still as bland and boring as ever.

The walls are still the dull white that I'm so used to, the doctors equipment is still squeezed into one corner of the room from lack of space and the layout is still the same, boring and makes the room look even smaller. When I first got here, I continuously suggested they tidy their equipment up  a bit but they either deny that it is needed or they just flat out ignores me.

Right now, I was going for another round of chemo, I tried to protest but my mum would only drowned out my objections by talking to the doctor so he wouldn't hear the sneaky bitch. Although the doctor would still give me my dose despite any type of objection that left my mouth, my mum wanted to be sure I'd get it, she does this every time.

For chemo, we stayed in the room as I've mentioned before, the building is very small with limited rooms. I don't even think there is not a single person who is sharing a room with someone, I don't know why the hospital doesn't just transfer some of us to a larger one. That way, they're still getting enough patients to stay open and they're not struggling, the patients getting transferred will also get more attention to their illness and get better care, maybe even get cured. But here, here you just get medication that most likely doesn't even work.

I don't really mind being in this building, it's how blank the walls are and how boring everyone is here and let's not forget how persistent my mum is to keep me on everything, maybe even more. I've always wanted to draw and paint on the walls but I've everlastingly been too scared to ask. e, I have a soft spot for art, I'm no good but my lack of skill in that category doesn't stop it from being a hobby.

"I don't want to do chemo any more!" I shout to no one in particular, I was laying on my stomach while a nurse got everything ready. They need to do the chemo in my lower back, I don't why but they always say my cancer is located in my bone marrow, I've never believed them. The women I share a room with giving me a sympathetic look while her son paid no mind to me, I wish he would pay me a glance.

"I mean it, this is like rape! I'm not consenting!" I scream before ripping all the cords out of my body for the second time this week, I then stand up.

"Miss you need to sit d-"  

"Oh shut the fuck up before I grab that useless needle in your hand and stab it in your neck bitch," I cut the nurse off who was getting everything ready for the doctor, I heard a giggle and a chuckle behind me but I paid no mind to it before taking another step. I kinds of felt bad as she was only new but I can't stay in this room to have something that doesn't even help me.

Soon I am outside the room while the nurse is in there most likely with a horrified expression on her face, she should have seen it coming, new or not, everyone knows I'll do anything to get out of that room. Seriously, someone needs to tell her.

If they gave me a couple of hours to walk around just to get out of the room I wouldn't mind but I actually have to sneak out of the room just to get freedom. Freedom, it's like I'm trapped. Wait, I am..... never mind.

The woman I share a room with, Jessica, doesn't tout me out, she actually sometimes covers for me saying that's I am just in the bathroom or she was sleeping so she didn't know where I am which I will forever be thankful for, although I think my doctor and some of the nurses are onto me.

Jessica's son, Sebastian, is really attractive yet I don't think he even know my names, I know it's strange as I've been sharing the small room with his mum for quite some time now but we never talk, he actually just sits there, beside Jessica while she watches in amusement as I protest and go all psychotic on the hospital staff, she is also there to witness all my fights with my mum. Her son is almost always in the room too, also witnessing every protest and fight yet he never spares me a glance which hurts me as it makes me feel useless, like no one cares but I can't really blame him. I mean who would want to look at someone who's looking to give up on battling cancer?

I wouldn't want to, I'd look at them as a coward, a failure, and that's what I am. I am a coward, I am a failure as I have failed to have the need to stay alive.

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I know I said the next update is tomorrow (7/01/18) but I got excited and I don't know why so yay?!

Next update - 14/01/18