Whole New Complexity (A Sequel to Crazy As Normal)(Izzal)

Chapter 4

Sitting on the edge of the mattress in the dark, Axl quivers. He doesn't deny it anymore that he's a wimpy, whiny puppy. He's weeping loudly no matter what it takes. He wipes the tears many times over. Oh, he really hates his soppy personality, yet warm, salty drops don't stop falling at all against his will. The skin around his eyes smarts, his sore throat brings him a pitiful feeling. But what's the point of crying? Why does he want Izzy to be beside him right now? Arguing has been quite usual.

Other men make a noise along with the music from MTV. He hears Steven's voice asking Izzy why he confines himself in his room.

Izzy responds to him flatly, "Why are you asking me about him? I don't give a fuck."

The words rub salt into his open wounds. Axl chokes, hardly like this is the end of the world, but not knowing why he has the wound. He hears a creak and raises his head. He expects his childhood friend's face to look sorry. Beyond expectation, Steven pokes his head out of the door in his sight.

"We're having pizza. Can I bring some pieces for ya?"

How sweet he is. Axl wipes his wet cheeks with his shivering hand. "I don't wanna eat anything."

"Axl, I dunno what to say but, um, I love you."

The words from Steven resonates with Axl in utter devastation. He sincerely replies to him. "I love you too."

Steven closes the door softly. Axl feels bad to have compared Steven's brain to popcorn. Even the popcorn brain has a deep affection. How could Izzy be so mean?

Besides, why the fuck does the unaccountable depression take control of him? What is his wound? He has no clue except a subtle pain in his chest, but the pain doesn't drop a hint for him. Maybe he's striking a drama queen. There's no end of the world as is obvious. The night is darken in peace. The atomic bomb doesn't likely drop in LA, or the Cuban Missile Crisis doesn't happen again so far. Well, he doesn't give a shit about Soviets as long as they don't throw the bombs in this country. Be that as it may, it seems that he doesn't encounter any bomb attacks tonight, thus it should rather be phrased like he's crying as though he wasn't able to attend his siblings' deathbed. (His beautiful Stuart and Amy are alive, of course.)

No, hang on. His train of thought has perfectly derailed. Maybe dwelling on and crying for the vague reason requires an endurance capacity.

However, rambling on about the Cuban Missile Crisis on the year of his birth and the appropriate phrases somewhat helps him to recover his sanity. The tears start to dry. His heart still aches a little but his energy is all gone. His stomach is now grumbling. Pizza sounds fantastic yet he doesn't intend to expose his swollen puppy face to his bandmates. He's not addicted to drugs for good or for bad, he can't scatter his mind by escaping into them. His sore throat makes a demand for a beverage strongly, again, he's not going to take a risk to disgrace himself by his puppy face.

The loud cry of wasting the body temperature, bodily fluids and the strength didn't bring him the idea of elucidating his depression. Exhausted, he lays himself down. The only measure left is sleep. His stomach grumbles again. He closes his eyes in a sarcastic feeling. He might be found as a dead body tomorrow morning, but who cares? Izzy won't feel sorry for the miserable body. Neither will the rest. Ah, Steven might cry for him. He's sure to thank his drummer from heaven or hell, he can't tell which until he's died.

It hasn't passed ten minutes when Izzy comes in the room. He turns on the light. He completely ignores Axl's ignorance. He pokes Axl's back with a corner of something hard. Axl twists his torso and opens his eyes. The pizza box blocks his view.

"Yours." Izzy shows him a few pieces of cold pizza, his deep hazel eyes garrulously saying a we-need-to-talk sort of thing.

Axl sits up on the mattress, chewing one of them vigorously. He's fucking starving. He snatches a beer can in Izzy's hand and chugs it. The bubbles of beer sting his swollen throat yet the yellow liquid vivifies his whole body.

Izzy asks after Axl's stuffed two pieces of pizza. "What was that all about earlier?"

Axl never figures out that. Izzy looks down at him stingingly. God, it hurts so much. Axl avoids his gaze and says. "Do you have a thing for Annika?"

It's not like he has an emphatic opinion. He couldn't take the silence under Izzy's sharp glare and he somehow came up with her. He thinks that's a good start, though her name was just slipped out by pure accident. His anger exploded when he saw her smile. He seems to hate her with high probability.

"We've just got to know each other. We'll see if--"

Axl doesn't listen to the rest because he doesn't need to. "Good. Don't see her any longer."

"Are you asking or saying?"

Axl smells irritation in the jet black haired man's voice. He doesn't flinch, though. "I'm saying."

"Jesus fucking Christ! What fucking right do you have to ruin my fucking dating and fucking say that?" Izzy puts his hands on his hips, looking up at the ceiling.

"I'm the closest friend you have and I see you're wasting your time. She's a fucking bitch." Axl doesn't have any idea of her faults while he's yelling out abuse.

"Absolute bullshit! What the fuck do you know about her? You've just met her once, like only for ten minutes." Although only one 'fuck' comes from his mouth this time, Izzy looks angrier.

What he said was perfectly correct but Axl's capable of countering. "Alright, I ask you back. What do you think you know about her?"

His skill of oral proceedings is high due to his more than twenty malicious arrests in his teens. His public defenders were all useless then he pleaded for himself. He doesn't feel like he's going to lose this argument. Everything is a lesson.

Izzy sighs sarcastically. The deep, uncomfortable silence encompasses them again. Maybe only Axl feels it. Izzy sits beside him without hesitation. "Will you leave Erin if I ask?"

Axl blinks. He's never heard his long-time friend disclose his own mind about Axl's romance situation. His argument ability loses momentum.

Izzy sighs again. "You won't." He pauses for a little while before he opens his mouth once again. "As well as I won't. It's totally obvious."

Axl blurts. "I will if you say so."

Izzy's mouth drops open as if his jaw touched the floor. However, Axl's shocked at his own answer the most. Really, Axl? Is that what you want? He is reflecting on marrying Erin these days, considering having his own family, although he hasn't told that to her yet, but that is exactly what he believes he's dreaming of!

They stop dead in their tracks, stare at each other's eyes for what seems like a night as though they had a total paralysis of body.

In a daze, Izzy finds his voice first. "Ridiculous."

The wanly voice strikes Axl's head and his stomach drops. Izzy is right. Literally, that's goddamn ridiculous, but closeness being refused is always something prickly.

Burying his face in his hands, Izzy slurs. "I felt like I wanted to ask you to leave her. It was an instant, really, but I...this is ridiculous."

Axl doesn't see this coming and doesn't know how to react. He can't.

They both used to be happy for each other when they fell in love whether they were practically pleased with the friend's girls or not. Well, Axl didn't like all of them in honesty (they didn't understand Izzy on a deeper level like him), but he's never wanted Izzy not to go on a date and he's still been happy for Izzy until tonight. The things seem to start changing now. What do their notions adumbrate?

Izzy raises his face. "You know what?" His voice is very husky, although he's not the one who was crying. "I'm not going to dwell on this right now."

That sounds decent. They will deal with it later, maybe when both of them are in a good mood.