4,035

Mamma

"Mamma?" I looked up and allowed myself to get lost in the clouds, picturing as much as I could remember of my moms face. 

"I know it's been a while since I talked to you. Don't think I forgot about you- cause it's not like that. I guess I'm just, moving on. But I don't forget people like you. Sometimes it's easier to remember the bad people and forget about the good, but don't worry. You were too good to  forget. I uh, I did something, that I shouldn't have. I told Lana she was turning into Dad. But she's not really. She just drinks. But that doesn't make her a bad person, right? No, of course not! You'd be proud of her. She raised me practically by herself, and I didn't turn out too bad? She's got a job, nice house, some money. She works out too. Doesn't have a boyfriend, but god knows her life's more put together than mine and I have Evie. Well, had Evie. I mean I- she's mine if I'm willing to have her it's just- just that- they're taking me Mamma. The 4,035," my voice began to break as my eyes welled up. 

"What did they do to you there, Mamma? Why didn't you come home? Lana's trying to keep me from going but I know I've got to. I said goodbye to everyone. Lana didn't take it very well. She's 'holding me hostage,'" I chuckled a bit. 

"I'll deal with her. I'm not risking a whole city over one person, that's ridiculous, right? Well, anyway, um- I don't really know if there's an after life or not, and this is pretty much as close as I can get to talking to you so-" 

"Hey," I jumped. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Your sisters passed out on my couch," Evie approached me. 

"Yeah, thanks. I'm sorry," I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eyes. I had already separated myself from her, I couldn't go through that again. But I could picture her still, and as she shivered, all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her. 

"Connor, it's freezing. Would you just come inside," I could still sense the anger in her voice. I shook my head. 

"So you're not gonna tell me why your sister pulled up in my driveway completely wasted?" She scoffed. 

"I-" 

"Wish you could?" She finished. I nodded, still looking at the ground. 

"That's not true because you can! You can tell me, you just don't. You don't tell me what's going on, you don't let me try to help, you don't even look at me!" She tried to grab my hand, but I pulled away. 

"I'm sorry," I muttered. 

"I- Connor! You tell me to believe you when you say that you'll never see me again. You told me you'd never call, or write letters, or anything, so to just forget about you. And now you're sitting on my back porch? And you're what, sorry?!" I couldn't tell if she was angry, upset, or confused, or if she even knew. 

"Look, I don't want to be here okay!" I crossed my arms. 

"What?" I could hear her start to cry.

"No, Evie, I didn't mean it like that! I want to be here, but I can't!" 

"But you are!" 

I slowly traveled her body with my eyes until they met hers. I lost myself in the crystal like green swirls. It hurt me to see her like that. Tears collected in her eyes, her shoulders shaking in the cold, and it was my fault. She stood and began to leave. 

"Wait!" I called, quickly standing up. I grabbed her hand. It hadn't been long since I held her hand, but it felt like it'd been ages. I grabbed the other. 

"I should go," I whispered, dropping her hands. She stared at me in confusion as if I had just shattered her whole world. I walked slowly towards the door. She didn't move. 

Screw it. 

I ran over to her and threw my arms around her. I kissed her all over. She kissed me back. 

And we didn't stop.