Alcoholics Anonymous [GW]

Chapter 14.

(Trigger Warning- Suicide)

If you've never talked to someone with a noose around their neck, you are lucky.

If you've never had less than three seconds to say what you have to, you are lucky.

If you've never seen tears falling from someone's eyes as they are about to jump, you are lucky.

If you've never thought you knew someone, but you didn't, you are lucky.

If you've never had to stay up until 3 am, trying to convince someone that they are worth it, you are lucky.

I didn't know what I would see when I slammed open the door to Mikey's room, but what I saw hurt more than any knife. All I could say was-

"Mikey! Please, please no!"

He didn't wear his glasses, and that was the first thing I noticed. They were shattered on the floor, the glass around his feet sharp and dangerous. His arms ran red with blood.

I thought I was too late, for the way he held himself certainly played the part. He was limp, dirty clothes hanging off his skin- a huge change from the composed, controlled man I had seen just ten minutes earlier. I couldn't bring myself to look at his eyes.

And then he spoke, and my spirits lifted.

"But why?"

Every single pain that Mikey had ever felt in his life, everything that made him want to do this had been thrown together and woven into a tight ball that were these words. And the force of the words, the heartbroken-ness with which he spoke, caused me to step backwards. Because in a time like this, his death was my death.

"Why did you come? Why should I stop?"

He spoke again, noticing my silence.

I stuttered. Why did I come? "Because... Because I care,"

Mikey shakes his head. "No. Because Gerard cares, and you care about Gerard. You don't care. Only Gerard does, really. And he has you now, so he doesn't need me,"

"That's not true!" I protest in vain.

Mikey raises one side of his lip in a half-smile; which must be a Way family thing- I've seen Gerard do the same. "You lie."

"Mikey..." My voice trails off. I don't know what to say? Does anyone ever really know what to say?

He lets out a little laugh as he shoves his hands in his pocket, staining his white shirt; ironic, for with a step, or a kick, he was in control of his life or death. "It's ok. It will all be okay. They'll be sad for a while, but they'll forget after a while and replace me, that's how it works."

"What about the band?" I blurt out.

"What about the band?" He smirks. "Do you know how long I've been planning this? I've gone through every possible circumstance, Cath. I know what's gonna happen. I'm not going to give up so easily. There's nothing you can say. Keep on living, and tell Gerard to do the same." There's sort of a manic about him, something intent.

I shake my head. "Mikey, Gerard and I are only temporary. How old are we? Like, 21 and 22? Humans live, um, 80 years, right? We're not going to last that long. Frank said so himself. You will, though! You're brothers, fucking brothers, Mikey!" My words are a rush, an unorganized mess of desperation. "Where will you be when he needs you? Six feet in the ground? He admires you- Mikey, stop!"

He's about to jump off the chair.

"We can start over, Mikey. I want you to meet my friend named, um, Emma."

Mikey frowns again. "Cath, I'm sorry,"

I stare him in the eyes, determined to not leave, to be there for him.

He was going to say something else, but his voice caught. He stared into space for a second. "Name five people who would care."

I take a breath and count on my fingers. "Gerard. Ray. Frank. Your mom. Me. There, that's five,"

Mikey breathes in and out. I watch his chest, worried more than I have ever been in my whole life.

Finally, he moves.

His hands reach up to his neck, meticulously untying the knot. As soon as his neck escapes the rope's death grip, he sits down on the chair and breaks into tears.

"I fucked up." He mutters through tears. "I fucked up bad." I sigh relief and attempt to tiptoe around the broken glass to sit next to Mikey, failing, and getting cuts all over my heels.

"No... shhh... you didn't," I mutter, a loss for words as I put an arm around his shoulder, as he covers his face with his hands.

He nods, making an uh-huh sound through his fingers. "Don't tell Gerard. Or anyone," he sniffles loudly, fruitlessly attempting to hide his cries.

I bite my lip. "Mikey, I'm sorry but... I have to,"

He takes a breath and nods. He opens and closes his mouth before forming the words, "I don't want to stay here tonight," in a soft, tear-stained voice.

I smile. "Okay, when you're ready we can go to my apartment."

He hauled himself to his feet, cringing as he stepped on the glass. I led him by his shaky, sweaty hands out to my car while the bitter air bites our skin. I keep an eye on Mikey on the drive to my apartment, staying completely silent. Only the radio softly murmured a Simple Plan tune, which I watched Mikey mouth all the words to. We arrive at the apartment complex, and I swipe my card, granting us access.

Emma is on the computer. At the creaking of the door, she turns herself around and watches as I let Mikey sit down on my couch. She doesn't question me, and I look at her, hoping she'll understand. I mouth the word- suicide- and she nods. She's smart. She's in school. She's studying to be a doctor. She'll know what to do.

I fumble with my cell phone, staring at the cracked screen. With clumsy hands, I dial Gerard's number.

And it rings.

-

Frank's Point of View

The next week, I had community service.

A small group, including me, was sent inside Jersey City with one monitor. On the side of buildings were colors, arranged in shapes, words, pictures, all with a little D xo inscribed in the corner.

Despite myself, I smiled a little.

It was actually beautiful, the way the colors contrasted to the brick wall, lighting up the city to look presentable.

"Wash it away. All of it," the monitor barked.

Feeling a smirk form on my face, I shook my head. I couldn't wipe away Dani's work. It was too good for that.

I slipped away into the bushes.

Nobody saw me.

(I didn't cry while writing this, no way... ok I cried. This was interesting to write, to say the least. But almost 200 views! You all are amazing. Soon, there will be a special announcement! I love you, and a new update will come soon.)