Hannah Yardley was becoming a teenager. Her life was getting more and more confusing. She started to like boys in a way she had ever had. Her emotions were spinning around in her body like a top that has gone out of control. She had started eighth grade in a new town. She moved from the town she was in while in the sixth and seventh grade. Life was always hard going from one school to the next. She hoped she wouldn't have to move again. She was in the eighth grade now, and the only other school she wanted to switch to, was high school in that town, after she graduated the eighth grade.
She was developing into a young woman physically, but still had a child's mind. That's what being a teenager meant. You want to be grown up because you are looking more like a grown up, but you still need to be taken care of by your parents. Every night was the same old thing with her step-father. He would either go into her bedroom at night or coax her to the couch, when everyone went to bed. He would feel her up on her breasts and down in her private place. She couldn't understand why she liked it at times and hated herself for it. She didn't know where to turn in times like these so she just let it happen. She didn't trust her mother enough to tell her, even though her mother asked her if anyone had ever done those things to her. She was always acting out and didn't think anyone would believe her, or that they would think that she deserved it or asked for it.
Hannah hated school. She hadn't done very well since the 6th grade. She was intellegent, but just didn't care whether she achieved or not. She was miserable in her life and nothing mattered to her, including herself. She started drinking last year, and smoking a while later. She lashed out at her parents when she felt like it and treated her younger brothers badly. This may be seen as a typical teenager, but it was deeper than that. To top it off, making new friends was very difficult, even though she had practice with changing schools so often. Life for Hannah was not what she planned or wanted. She wanted a happy family, with no secrets, but that's not what she got. Instead, it was a journey through hell that didn't end.
Life didn't make sense to her, so she dealt with it the best she could. She tried to get attention from boys, but no one seemed interested in her, at least not at thirteen. Boys still thought girls were not cool, at least at thirteen, in 1975. An older boy seemed interested in her. His name was Pete. He was a neighbor who was fifteen. He was a bad boy, and she was intrigued because she thought of herself as a bad girl. Not only did Hannah's step-father teach her how to kiss romantically, but this boy taught her more, more than she needed to know. One night he invited her over when his parents were gone and she was introduced to a whole new world of sex. Her step-dad never got that far.
Hannah felt the struggle of right and wrong, and always chose the wrong. She was once caught on one of the motorcycles in the garage trying to engaged in a sexual act with another boy once. She let four guys stand in line to have sex with her. She got caught before it happened. She thought, because of her step-father, that's how she got attention from the opposite sex. They all used her, and she was known to all the boys as a slut. She thought she was anyway because her step-father was using her in that way. She even had sex with other boys even when she didn't want it. That's how you get noticed isn't it? At least that's what she thought. And also she might get hurt if she didn't give in, which had happened.
She was very intraverted by the age of thirteen. She had friends, but picked the ones who would eventually hurt her. The bad seeds, as it were. The neighborhood kid of fifteen, she once or twice, or even more, had an encounter with, was for her, her first encounter with "love" , at least with someone other than an adult male. She wanted him more and more each day. One of his friends, Walter, was his name, threatened her if she didn't have sex with him. Then he promised her Pete, but that never happened. What did happen was nothing more than rape, and when it was over, she went home and didn't tell a soul. More and more she thought of herself as only good for sex. This other boy, Mike, liked her and got her into his bed, when actually she only did it because her friend wanted her to. The more times she did it, the more she felt like she was not worthy of anything better.
Life as it were was stressful for Hannah throughout her teenage life, and the worst part is that she felt like she had nowhere to turn. She wasn't alone, but she felt alone. God was guiding her through life, though she didn't know it. At thirteen, she just wanted to fit in. Though Jesus loved her for her, she didn't love herself enough to trust someone to tell them what she was going through. Her world was coming apart at the seams. She was drawn to the darkside of life and hung out with "friends" that would be trouble. She was trouble herself. She was still fighting with people, whether she started it or not. It was a way to get attention, because with fights, there is always a crowd. Only thing is, don't fight in front of the principal's office. It will certainly cause a three day suspension. The parents aren't very happy either.
She entered a whole new world the following year, when she began high school. Smoking across the street at a friends house before school and on lunch break was commonplace. getting drunk before school was commonplace as well. She entertained the class with her antics when she was drunk. Again, she got the attention she thought she wanted. She had began to go to a church with "friends" and was introduced to a world of grace and people who lived like hell during the week and were "holy" on Sunday. She went but was not very impressed. She went for a couple of years but it got to be too much, when she realized her "friends" were still living like sinners. That's not what she was looking for.
Her step-father still had his way with Hannah and took great risks doing what he did with the others in the house at night. Hannah dreaded the night, but, admittedly liked the attention. She struggled with that fact for many years to come, thinking that she actually wanted it. That's what she was good for wasn't it?, she thought. Life didn't matter to her so she acted any way she wanted to. She chose the negative attention-getting road and she chose to be silent of what her step-father was doing, so not to get the negative attention of her family thinking it was her fault. She had no idea her family would be hurt, but love her anyway.
The idea of having a good normal relationship with a guy didn't even make sense to Hannah, because she didn't know what normal was. She was molested and raped by the time she was thirteen, so the chance of ever getting into a normal relationship with a young man was very minute. She had many infatuations, some to the point of self-destruction, or going towards that anyways. All she wanted was love from a father and/or a young man. There was a Heavenly Father waiting on her permission to love her with all He had. In fact, He already did prove His love on the Cross, sacrificing His Son for her. She just had to believe.
*Thank you for being patient in waiting for chapter two, A Journey Through Hell. I am juggling a lot at this time and struggling with time management. Thank you for your support. Hopefully it won't take more than a week this next time. Tell me what you think in the comments, and fan me if you would like, and stay tuned for chapter three. Thanks and God bless.
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Having Wings Like Eagles
SpiritualThis is about a woman named Hannah Yardley, who had been molested as a child and she survives to tell her story to a group of friends. She shares her struggles and her victories that God has given her. It's a tragedy to triumph story of a journey...
