A/N: I know that I said this would be composed of seven chapters but I decided to merge the sixth and the last into one final chapter. I hope that you liked it. I had fun writing Shadows (despite its slow updates.) Please do tell me your thoughts about this chapter/the whole thing. Have an amazing day! Watch out for FWIA updateSSSSS. HAHA.
P.S. There are two lessons here. The both are stated but one isn't "labelled." HAHAHA. Wala lang. Obvious naman siguro.
--
Behind every beautiful life, there has been some kind of pain.
Those were the words written on her grave. It was something that I asked tita to place. It’s because I believe that she has lived a wonderful life despite her condition. Kaye was burdened with a pain that not everyone has yet she strived to live beautifully. I would forever admire her for that.
I sadly smiled as I reread the words on the stone. Its grayness was darker than it first was. After all, it’s been years since it was placed there. It’s been years since she was buried in the soil beneath my feet. It’s been years since I’ve seen her and held her.
Everyday, I think of why she had to go and why did she have to leave so many shadows behind. Why did she have to leave traces of her everywhere I looked? There are days when I can’t decide if she wanted me to move on or hold onto her. There are times when I look at her shadows as nightmares especially during the first few months since she died.
Everywhere I looked, I saw her. I could see her smiling face and I could hear her voice. I honestly thought that I’ve gone crazy when I realized that I could smell her scent sometimes. I knew that I was in too deep and it was scary. It frightened me to know that she continued to have a hold on me despite being gone from this world. It was the traces she left that held me for months.
Mom was so close to sending me to a psychologist because I wouldn’t stop claiming that she’s not dead and that she’s still with us. I’m sure I worried so many people too.
When she died, I felt like I lost my rhythm in life. I’ve lost my drive to live. I was so used to having her by my side and when I lost her, it’s like I lost half of me. I didn’t know what to do. My game was going down and I almost quit the team. My grades weren’t going very well either. My social abilities were also affected. That time, I felt like I was in a dump.
If not for my family and her mom, I wouldn’t be where I am today. If not for them, I wouldn’t have been able to see past through the nightmares. I wouldn’t have been able to pick myself up.
But it wasn’t just them.
When I finally found the courage to face the fact that she’s gone and that she’s in a better place, those nightmares slowly faded away. Her shadows were still there but they weren’t as scary as they used to be. They weren’t there to neither stop me nor forbid me to move on. They were there to help us realize what she lived her life for. Instead of a force to scare, it was a hand to guide us through life.
Sometimes, I’d like to think that she was an angel. A real one, I mean. I’ve always seen her as one but I’d like to believe that she came into our lives to leave shadows. Maybe, “shadows” isn’t the right word. She came to leave a legacy, a mark on each one of us.
I guess she just left a lot on me.
I chuckled as I felt the wind pick up. It wasn’t scary.
“Hey, Jeric,” she started. I looked at her. She was on her hospital bed, her eyes closed as usual. Her face was pale compared to other days. It now came to the point where she had to live in the hospital. It was painful but what could we do? “Do you ever wonder why people have shadows?”
