A lot of people say that it’s weird for a guy to be sappy and emotional about certain people. Sometimes, they often go as far as calling that person ‘gay’. They say it’s also rare for men to look back at the past or keep things that remind them of the past. I guess that’s just society’s standard for men. Accepted standard for men, rather.
Honestly speaking, who cares? Is it so wrong to reminisce and look back at the events that formed us? Conventions and standards are often for close-minded people.
I chuckled. I wasn’t like that. I don’t care if I sound sappy whenever I talk about Kaye to others. Hell, my siblings know how emotional I can get. They often tell me that whenever I think or talk about her, I get this distant look on my face, as if I’m going back in time.
“Ahia, you still have that?” I heard Almira ask.
I was in our living room, searching an old cabinet full of photo albums. I was seated on the floor as I was pulling out a very familiar album.
“Of course,” I smiled. “I don’t think I can ever throw this away,”
“That’s okay, ahia,” she sympathetically said. “You know,” Almira paused. I heard her walk towards me and seat beside me. “I sometimes wonder if she was ever happy. I mean genuinely happy despite her sickness. I know she smiles a lot even until the end but was she truly happy?”
I pursed my lips. A few years back, I often wonder about that too. I know that she had a phase where she was close to miserable but after that, was she able to find happiness? Not just happiness because of love but… happiness as in contentment in life. Around that same time, she gave me the answer that I wanted and I was happy.
I smiled at my sister. “She has,” I told her. “Even with everything that was going on, she became genuinely happy,”
“Really?” Almira smiled. “Sometimes, I wish that she was around my age so that we were the ones who got to hangout a lot. But despite only going out with her for a number of times, she sure left something here in me. I miss her a lot… I know you miss her a lot more, ahia. Come on, let’s look at those photos,”
I chuckled. I opened the album. This was an album for us. Our moms compiled it for us when we were younger and then gave it to us when we were about 15 or 16. After that, we were the ones who placed the recent photos.
“You look so cute here, ahia!” Almira gushed as she pointed at a photo of Kaye and me when we were 6 years old. “But achi Kaye looks cuter!! I can’t believe you dressed up as Christopher Robin when you were younger! Achi Kaye looks absolutely adorable in her Winnie the Pooh costume!”
I just smiled. That was the first Halloween event that we attended with matching costumes. After that year, our mothers made sure to coordinate our costumes until we were 11 years old.
We continued to browse the album. Each photo holds so many memories and emotions.
“You have that look again in your eyes,” Almira noted. I didn’t even notice that she stopped flipping the pages of the album. She giggled. “You love her a lot, ano? Hey… Ahia, tell me. How do you know that she was truly happy?”
“Hm…” I pursed my lips. “Well,”
In our culture, it’s almost unacceptable for a guy and a girl to stay in one room, much less in one bed, once they become teenagers. But I guess my mom and tita didn’t mind Kaye and me. We were both 20 and we were on the same bed. No, nothing dirty about it. It was just like our usual routine. This time, her head was rested on my chest while I was rested on the headboard of her bed. My hand was absentmindedly brushing through her hair.
