Kim Jonghyun, I used to smile just by the evocation of his existence, his name used to bring me so much joy... His name has always be a synonym of happiness...
I think that I never suffer has much as I do right now, because he was the only one to make me smile when my deepest thoughts told me to die. Because he helped me going through depression even though he was in the dark too.
I'm the type of person that only listen to a song if it has a real meaning. Jonghyun's love and care resonate trough his songs. He was the one who'd make me love music, who'd make me want to express myself through music. Because he was my one and only inspiration, my one and only role model. Jonghyun's voice was one of the most beautiful. Jonghyun's voice is my favourite.
I've always imagined how I would react if one of my idols would die... I never thought I would have suffer this much. I'm not even "sad" (I don't know words to express how I'm feeling right now) because I will never see him anymore, I'm "sad" because I realize how far he was suffering.
My biggest dream was to see my favorite idol performing, but is gone.
It hurted me so hard when I realised that, yes, he committed suicide, but, that the truth was that he was already dead from the inside. That it was just his heart that stopped beating.
The hardest part is realizing that your idols can save you life but you can't save theirs.
The worst thing of it all is that as a fan you are not given a grace period to mourn. You will have to move on with your life whether it's work, school or both. You can't even tell anyone why you are crying in the middle of taking an exam or works hours because they are just celebrities and you are a stupid fangirl. Holding back and pushing through, you did it, you endured. Even if you cracked now and then, it's ok. Be proud of yourselves.
YOU ARE READING
in tribute to kim jonghyun.
Fanfiction"This year, I lost someone who I thought would've been forever with me, and it hurts."
