Arise

I Died Long Ago

I died March 6 the day of my nineteenth birthday along with my twin sister Yuzu. Of course that isn't very hard to figure out most people know that in fact. But what they didn't know what that I was the one who killed her. She died at the hand of my shinigami powers. I became a shinigami at the age of fifteen after another accident caused my powers to awaken. And then two years later again. That night that horrible dreadful night. I watched as swarms of hollows invaded Katakura town killing anyone in sight. So many innocent people lost their lives that day. And my sister among them the only exception she died by my hand. I sat on the western side of East Rukan distract having finally gotten away from the Shino academy. I was a shinigami for two years before I died and having to enroll in the academy hurt my pride and annoyed me to no end. It's been six months I died and today was the day I finally graduated from the shino academy. For me this was all just a means to an end. I didn't really have a purpose anymore.  The graduation ceremony was scheduled for about a hour. For my graduation ceremony I would stand before the thirteen squad captains. Everyday of these past six months I was ostracized me peers because of my last name and because my father and brother were both renowned captains. And because I was able to excel at the required classes. They all hated me and looked at me as an outsider. I wasn't one of them they saw me as the pampered sister of one of the greatest captains and heroes of the soul society. The looks in their eyes made me hate myself even more. I sat and watched the clouds and the skies of the Rukan district. It always seemed more peaceful here than In the Seireitei, even the shinigmai there looked down on me with contempt.

"Karin."

A voice called and I turned. My eyes were lifeless and cold. I looked upon a person who knew me better than I knew myself. "What do want Captain Hitsugaya?" I questioned.
 

"Karin what are you doing to yourself?" He questioned concerned.

I ignored his questioned and turned away from him. I continued to watched the clouds hoping he would disappear.

"Karin I can't watch you do this to yourself." He said walking closer to me.

I jumped away. Toshiro was the one person in this world who made me come alive again. He made me want to feel something again like something matter. But he was also the one person I couldn't bare to hurt. "Just leave me alone." I said moving away from him.  He grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. "TOSHIRO LET GO!" I yelled and screamed. But his grip was firm. "Toshiro please!" I begged. "I can't hurt you to." I said and let my body fall. Toshiro caught me and we both slide onto the ground.

"Karin let me help you." HE said and wrapped his arms around me.

"NO! I'd Kill you like I killed her." I said and pushed him away.
 

"Karin." He said and moved forward.

I closed my eyes and shunpo'd away. I was a lot faster than he was but I had a feeling that he wouldn't follow me. I stopped and looked at my reflection in the clear blue water. I whipped my face and pulled my hair back. I had to prepare myself to face the captains. I grabbed my zanpokto from the ground and stood up. I stared at the weapon of my sister's destruction. My hand shuck as I held it. I grabbed both end and tried to unsheathed it but my hands trembled even more. Images of that night replayed in my head. I put it in around my back and shunpo'd away. I may never see the day again when I can again release my zanpokto. I walked up the long flight of stairs that led to the first division. I made it to the top and knocking on the long white doors that inside hold my fate.
 

"Come in." A strong deep voice exclaimed.

I walked in and kneeled as I stood before all thirteen captains. "Karin Kurosaki, reporting." I said in the emotionless voice I had adopted over the past months.

 
"Stand child." Head captain said as he stomped his cane.

 
I rose and faced the captains as I waited their responses. I watched as the head captain nodded as to signal the ceremony to begin.

"We all stand here today to bare witness to the graduation ceremony of Karin Kurosaki. A promising young shinigmai who assisted us in righting hollows throughout the years. Today will decide which squad you will be placed in and you rank as an official member of the Gotei 13. " Head captain explained.

"Hai head captain." I said.

"After careful deliberation it had been decided that you Karin Kurosaki  will become a commander of a newly formed squad." Head captain said.

My eyes widened at his declaration. "A commander?" I questioned confused.

"Yes a commander of your own elite squad." He explained.

 
I was completely dumbfounded. "Forgive me head captain but I am the last person who be put in as a commander. They are responsible for the lives of their squad members. I'm the right person to be put in charge of other peoples lives." I explained calmly.

"This is not a request. You will be the new squad commander of the Ansatsu squad." He ordered.

My eyes widened even more. "You want me to be the new commander of the assassinations squad?" I questioned my eyes wide in shock.

"Yes." He said plainly.

 
My hands trembled at the thought. The only reason they would send out the Ansatsu was for assassination only. And would be in charge of teaching people and ordering people to kill. Memories of my sister flooded my mind, and the blood that stained my zanpokto.

"Kurosaki, Kurosaki!" Head captain called.

The images disappeared and I came back to reality. "Hai head captain." I said.

"You will begin tomorrow!" HE ordered and dismissed me.

I bowed and walked away. I leaned against the door as I tried to wrap my head around this situation.

"Do you really think this is wise?" Captain Ukitake questioned.

"What exactly is the mental state of Kurosaki anyways?" Captain Kurosuchi asked.

 
"Captain Kurosaki enlighten us." I heard head captain order.

 
"To be perfectly honest I don't know if she is even ready to be out on a battlefield again. He trauma goes deeper than just guilt or sorrow. She fells responsible for our sister death the guilt and hatred of herself preventing her from even releasing her zanpokto. She hated herself for that day. And I doubt she will be able to lead anyone until she finally forgives herself. Until she let's go of the anger, guilt, and hatred she fells she'll never be the warrior and shinigmai we all knew. She won’t even be the same person we knew before she will remain a lifeless hole void of emotions." Ichigo explained.
 

I felt my teeth grit and my hands clench. I hated the way everyone seemed to see through me and into my weakness. That day defined my life and changed me into a different person. I walked away from the door and left the emotions of there words at that door. I could do this regardless of what they all believed. I couldn't save Yuzu but I can save my squad members. And I can save the lives of the people who destroyed the innocent. Some how I knew it would come to this.