Trust.

Chapter 4

I was staring out of the window and watched the scene outside passing by, the sun was about to go down in the horizon. I let out a deep sigh and running through my mind thinking about all that had happened in just 24 hours. I learned my head against the cold window still sore in my entire body, I began to regret wanting to go so fast and not resting as Bookman recommend I should. The cabin (I don't know if this is the right word to use when it's a train, so please let me know if it's something else ^w^) we were sitting in was all silent and it was killing me, I got up from my seat to stretch out my muscles. "I'll go have a look in the other end of the train." I said quietly and began to walk off, when Lavi spoke. "Mind if I join you, the old panda has fallen asleep and I'm bored." I looked over my shoulder and meet his always bright smile. "Ummm sure I wouldn't mind it." I began walking followed by Lavi, I looked around noticing people was either about to fall asleep or parents who were sitting with their sleeping children in their arms, I couldn't help but smile at them. This reminds me of my patens and when we should visit my grandparents in the city, they would hold me like this too on that long trip. I could feel my eyes was about to watering up so I closed my eyes for a short moment, before I looked ahead of me, heading to the end of the train where I knew a small platform would be, so I could grab some fresh air. "You seems to be heading somewhere, so where are we going?" Lavi asked from behind, not wanting him to see that tears was about to come to my eyes I kept looking forward. "To the end of the train, to get some fresh air." I gave all I have to keep my voice steady as I spoke. "I see..." It fell silent again after that, and I felt like he would ask me about something but kept himself from it for some odd reason, it didn't seem right somehow. The cold air gently caressed my face as we walked out, I inhaled the fresh and cold air and placed my hands on the railing. "Is there something you want to ask me about?" I looked at the sky the stars was shining down on me only a few clouds was to be seen on the dark blue background. "Huh?" He looked at me. "What do you mean?" I looked at him. "I just got a feeling that you wanted to ask me about something when we was in there, but you held it back." I gave him a small smile that I forced on. "Hehe, so I'm that easy to read, even when you don't look at me?" He scratch the back of his head as he laughed awkwardly. "It just didn't seemed like you, what I learned in just one day being with you and Bookman, then you speak before you think and you don't seems like a person who wouldn't prevent yourself from asking about anything, except for you're afraid of the reaction you may get." He looked at me in surprise. "You're good." He smiled at me. "And yes there is something I wanted to ask you, but it's simple." He turned to face the sky. "What is it?" I looked at him waiting for it and preparing myself for it. "I just wanted to know if you were okay, I mean after all that had happened to you in such a short time it must be overwhelming." He was still looking at the sky, and I looked at my hands. "..." I don't know if I should answer him or what I should do, my chest began to tighten. "It's okay, you can tell me I'd be more than happy to listen if it just means it would make you more comfortable." I could feel his eyes on me and I kept looking at my hands trying to avoid eye contact. "I... I don't know how to feel about all this, it's just so confusing all this. It feels like a dream.., or more like a nightmare that I just can't wake up from. First lost my best friend to a stupid disease, the only friend I had for so long... The only person I ever had a dream with and when I lost her, I felt like I lost myself too.." I tighten my grab around the railing and shot my eyes before I continued. "After that I was so lost and begging to wake up having her by my side, but I just couldn't. She was the only person I've ever trusted beside my parents, but it wasn't the same kind of trust. I don't know why but I just can't trust other people, even if they aren't bad or anything, but it may be the fact that I don't know them.." Tears began to roll down my face, I don't know if I began to cry because I was really tried, sad or angry not being able to do anything to keep her alive with me. "I... I feel so alone in this world right now... I lost everyone that I ever loved. My best friend, my mother, my father..." I wiped my tears off of my face. "I don't have anyone left, my entire life has crumbled to dust just like my parents has, I don't even know where I belong to anymore. It's like I'm standing in the middle of nowhere and I keep turning around to find my way out of emptiness but there don't seem to be a way, and if I'm trying to walk one way I would just show up from the opposite direction." I was slightly shaking as I held back my tears with everything I had, but it was hard and I had to give up in the end. My tears began to roll down my cheeks, I put my hands to my face and cried in silence. I didn't know it had this much effect on me, but it had I feel so relived telling him about that. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt warm wrapping around me. "Sorry, I know you said we shouldn't touch you, but I seemed like one who needed it and cry as much as you want to you may need that too." I could feel his breath against my ear as he whispered to me. I had mixed feelings about him touching me, but I was fighting my own feelings, wrapped my arms around his torso, and cried a little more. After a while I had calmed down and we let go of each other. I looked at his face. "Thank you." My voice was hoarse after crying. "Whenever you need it." He smiled at me and I gave him a weak smile of mine. "Let's go back in." He opened the door as he spoke. "We better get a little sleep before we reach our destination." I just nodded at him and went inside, and headed back to our seat. I took my seat again and Lavi sat down beside me, I leaned against the window again and wrapped my arms around my body to keep myself warm. "U-um if you want to, you can use my lap as a pillow." I looked at Lavi who was blushing a little bit, I couldn't help but smile. "Are... you sure?" Is it really okay? I mean I barely know him... "Yes it is." He sounded eager as he spoke. "I mean.. It's not as cold as the window.. I suppose." I then laid down with my head in his lap. "Thank you Lavi, for everything." I closed my eyes trying to fall asleep. "You're very welcome (y/n)."