Fifty Shades of BLACK SILK

BLACK SILK: Part 21

The elevator? I glared at Christian. He avoided my gaze coyly, composing his smile into muted amusement.

He stepped aside. "We can take the stairs if you like? I'll be right behind you."

Aside from the fact that my fitness levels are barely up to par and therefore my lean physique only gives the illusion that I'm fit, but the idea of Christian trailing behind me at ass level made me quiver at the thought. I know I always convince myself that nothing will ever happen, but I think about it as much as he does, guaranteed, and I think he knows I think about it as much as he does.

So despite my gut telling me how wrong I was, I went inside the elevator as soon as the bell sounded to a stop. Christian remained in one corner of the elevator and I on the other, glued to our respective 90° counterparts. The space he was giving was comforting, enough so that I thought I'd feel stifled, but I was the exact opposite. My heart began to calm down to a slower pace and so did my breathing. I wasn't scared but in an anticipation. When anticipation slowly dissipated into nothingness I felt a tranquil silence and ease unbecoming of my interactions with Christian. For the first time I felt like me around this billion dollar magnate. A smidgen of superiority as the one he felt all the time. And a sliver was just enough.

I peeled my eyes off the ground and looked at Christian. He wasn't glaring at me or holding my gaze hostage in his dark stormy eyes. He was smiling. A human smile. A warm smile; the guard around my heart melted not out of love or adoration, but by the cool waters which would melt an icy border, soothing the heart as it gushed away. For a moment, I felt Christian Grey inside of me unlike any other way I've felt him before.

Once the elevator slowed to a stop I strutted out like 1990s Naomi Campbell in runway Versace. It wasn't until I got a few doors down the corridor that I realised I had no idea where I was going.

I cleared my throat and stepped aside to give way for Christian. "You can take the lead."

He half-smiled. I followed him to the far end of the corridor and up a few steps. Apparently, the corner penthouse had its own elevator and set of stairs. When he opened the room was when the real magic happened. A vast room carried the comfiest plush white furniture. A step up was the bedroom as if hovered over a rectangular border of lights. The most captivating was the floor to ceiling windows over half the walls. One floor to ceiling window opened out to a balcony; another to the glittery and smoky New York City night.

"The batteries for your recorder are on the bed," Christian said. "Unless you'd like an all new recorder—a better one—which is also on the bed."

"I'm sure they are," I smiled, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Staying put, I see," he said, lifting a brow.

"I know what happens around the likes of you."

"Oh?"

I nodded. "Devilish things."

He perched on the widespread arm chair, intertwining his fingers. "Devilish, huh?"

I narrowed my eyes. "The things you do to women."

"With, women," he corrected. He tilted his head and I gulped, looking away. "You're scared of me...aren't you?"

"I already said—"

"I know what you've said. That you don't fear me. But I can see it and I can feel it. You don't even have to scream out your fears because I can hear it perfectly in this silence. You are scared of me. Why?"

I shook my head. "It has nothing to do with you."

He chuckled, humourlessly. "I highly doubt so."

I rolled my eyes. "It's what is being said. Lawsuits and such." I mumbled the last words shamefully. Believing in gossip wasn't my forte; I'm a factual, evidence-based, person, but for some reason all talk about Christian Grey wasn't just talk to a lot of people. It was a story behind this man. A thread of many stories, telling of experiences or inexperience with him or around him.

He sighed, looking down. Then, he chuckled. "This is why I always kept my lifestyle secret. I never wanted anyone to know not because I wanted to hide but because people didn't understand. Now everyone has an opinion about me but me. I'm the same as I've always been. Did I hurt that girl? I did." My heart thudded. "But it was all consensual. All contractual. And now they're debating whether or not a contract like that is legal. A contract that protects both parties. At least that's what I thought. I'm a contract-based person, most of the time I need tangible evidence I can refer to to know that everything is going fine."

"Or that everything is going your way."

"Both of our ways. Everything was consensual." He paused, and stood. "You know, there are moments where I think you believe me and others where I think you believe anyone else who says otherwise. You're searching for a flaw in me has only made me aware of a flaw in you."

I scoffed. "And what is that?"

"You think you listen, but you actually don't."

"Please," I rolled my eyes.

"You've made up your mind about me already and it's like you want me to prove that I'm as horrible as you think I am. Well, sorry to disappoint. I'm not a disgusting fiend or an abusive oppressor. I just so happen to like it rough." He moved towards his door. "If you're truly scared of me then I want to cease any and all correspondence between us. If not, then call me."

"You don't have to be such an asshole about this," I mumbled, storming past him.

"Excuse me?"

"You like to think I'm believing all sorts of lies about you but what is really happening is that you haven't let me speak a peep."

"I resent that."

"Well, fuck you, too."

"Jeez."

"It wasn't about the lawsuit. You men think you know everything."

"I don't know about other men, but I sure do know everything."

"Cocky-much?"

"Sure as hell itself."

I harrumphed a little laugh. "The only think that is keeping me hesitant from all of this is the fear of the inevitable."

"So I was right, you did fear something, see?" He said, barely moving an inch.

I narrowed my eyes. "The inevitable being that in the end of all this I'm going to be thrown out on my ass while you move on to the next."

He furrowed his brows. "You want a relationship?"

"You're missing the point! I don't know if I even want this, whatever the fuck this is," I sighed, frustrated. "I just don't know, okay? I don't know."

"I'm not exactly helping with your decision-making."

"I'm indecisive as fuck, who knew?"

"Damn. And I thought that was my strong suit."

"Your strong suit is persuasion not guidance."

He smiled. "Aren't they the same thing in the end?"

"Have you ever even thought of asking me out on a date?" I shook my head. "Can't believe the most obvious solution hasn't come to your mind yet."

I left him confused and myself disappointed. Disappointed that I didn't leave with a replacement for my recorder.

***Happy New Year. Soul xo***