Kellin Quinn's Daughter!?!? ☆fanfic☆

Chpater 19

《 Kayla 》

I never told anyone about what I did that day. Because they already knew. Rumors flew all around the school I went to at the time. 'Oh, she couldn't  even kill herself right' killing myself wasn't the goal at hand. After awhile, I gave up trying to convince people that I wasn't suicidal but just wanted to be clean. While I was checked into that hospital bed, for that long time, I thought about it more. Maybe I should've finished the job. Maybe death was the real cleanliness.

Hours apon hours, days apon days, turning into weeks I was a resident there. My mom listened to what I had to say. And just when I thought nothing could worse than right now, I saw it. Her heart break more, more than he broke it. God, I hate that man.

I'll never forget that words she said that day, 'I failed Kellin as his love. And now my babygirl as a mother.' I didn't have time to say a thing, before I heard my mom welcome people in the room. I didn't look up, I didn't want to speak to anyone. Not after what my mom had just said to herself.  It hurt my heart.

'Come in guys, just no yelling please. She's been through enough right now, I'll just leave you guys alone..' my mom said as she left the room, shutting the door behind her. I remember sitting there playing with the iv I still had in, with my phone sitting on my lap. I didn't care to look up. I almost died and it was an inconvenience for anyone to care or be worried.

'Kayla' I heard a voice say, trying to stay cool and calm but instead was coated with concern.

That voice shot a chill up my spine and froze me in time. The from was silent for a few seconds, though they felt like hours. I remember slowly raising my head up to meet him staring at me. Still no words come out of my mouth.

'You're a damn idiot, what the actual hell were you thinking. Drinking  bleach? Really? Answer me?' He spoke again. More pressing, than anything else, honestly.

'I-I..' I tried to speak but stopped. I really didn't think about how this would have effected those that used to be close to me.

'What, you're sorry?' He asked, trying to finish my sentence that I couldn't finish. But he didn't finish it right. He never did. One thing, I'll never miss.

I dropped my head back down, playing with the iv again, breaking what eye contact me and him had.

'Why don't you ever let me talk, I'm not sorry. I'm dirty or I was, I drank bleach to be clean. I wasn't trying to kill myself. It was never my intention. I go day by day with this thing. This thing inside me. Pulling me down. I can't even eat my dinner. Mom says im getting thinner. I thought if I drank bleach, it would clean me, kill it, kill the darkness in me, save me from my demons. The demons that make me want to die, make me feel not good enough for any of this. For mom, obviously dad, my school, my so called friends, or lack there of, and most importantly, you. I did it to kill what's inside, not me.' I said, not looking up.

I was shaking, I wasn't sure if it was noticeable or not. I shook for what seemed like more hours but in reality it had just started. 

'Don't give me that shit. Look at you.' I heard him mumble through anger and a hint of tears.

My appearance wasn't a worry to me, then.

He was crying, I don't even think he knew he was.

'Give her a break man, you know damn well she didn't do this on purpose. She's smarter than that. If she wanted to you know, do it, she would have. And we all know damn well, we didn't stop mid-tour, fly here like mad men on a red-eye, on no sleep without even telling our manager, just for you to be an asshole, and shoot down what she's crying out for you to hear. Knock it the fuck off, she means something to you, that's why your crying. So, act like it, Vic.' Jamie said through clenched teeth, you could feel the tension between the man in front of me and the three other guys on the other side of the room, whom I forgot about this whole time.

'Maybe, we shouldn't of come.' Vic said getting up off the bed he had sat down on. And started walking towards the closed door.

'Please' was all I could get out through the tears I had at that moment.

'No, I asked you one thing la la, to hold on till may, i'd be home by may, to be there for you, you knew that, fuck, this isn't holding on, it's giving up! Damn it!' He suddenly yelled at me, whipping his head to face me, hurt, anger, and sadness coated with tears on his face.

It was always hard to read him, until  then.

'If you were me, you'd do the same!' I yelled back, we were notorious for screaming fights. They only ended when someone would give in and cowwer to the other. That someone was always me. But something felt different in me. At that moment, I didn't want to. I wanted him to. I wanted him to feel how I had felt. Just a pinch.

'You're just wasted on your damn meds that they have you on, you knew you were okay until this point, holding on was working, may was close Kayla, this was giving up, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let my own girlfriend of  almost two years lie to me, to my damn face. Hell no!' He said taking a step closer to me, filling the gap he made when he started walking for the door. He was now close enough that I had to look up at him. Yeah, that's how short I am. But when I tried to take a step back I hit the hospital bed that I had stood up from when he started yelling at me. He grabbed me pulling me to him so now there was no space in between us. He made is so I couldn't make space either. His arms kept me in place.

'Stop fighting.' He said as he rested his head on top of mine.

He always made things harder than they needed to be.

'I can't take much more. I'm closing shades and doors. Everything's just not alright, with us. I can't.. I'd  rather-' i couldn't even finish, I was bawling and so was he, I could tell by the way he was holding me.

That day was it, it was the last time me and Vic were together, before he left and didn't come back. I had semi decided, yeah, I know, but it still hurt like hell.

-Long time my dudes, lol so yeah thought it had been a little too long, two year, eh. Hope you enjoyed.
- Selena 🖤