I Can't Hide The Fire Within (Divergent Fanfiction)

I Can't Hide The Fire Within part 2

Here's the next part! :)

One of my hands is clutching a small knife, the other has a cut across the palm. Blood is starting to leak from the wound. I’m holding my arm out above a bowl. The bowl has soil in it. It’s amity’s bowl. I’m at the choosing ceremony.

My hand twitches. I want to move it over the hot coals. I want to move it over to dauntless. My blood is starting to pool in my palm, the time I have to make my choice is running out.

I draw a shaky breath and close my eyes. What should I do?

Without giving myself time to think about it I quickly move my hand so that it is now hovering above the dauntless bowl.

I can feel the stares on my back. I know that THEY are looking at me. I can only imagine the looks on their faces right now. Anger, confusion, disappointment and embarrassment, to name just a few. I can’t stop a small smile from spreading on my face when I think about how shocked they must be. I’ve always done everything that they’ve told me to do but here I am with my hand hovering over the dauntless bowl. I feel a rush of independence and self respect.

I don’t turn around to face them. I can’t look at them right now, if I do I know I’ll lose my confidence and change my mind. If I just let my blood drop in this bowl I won’t ever have to worry about being a disappointment to them again. I won’t have to worry about anything they may think of me ever again.

Guilt starts to build in my stomach. How can I be leaving my parents? How can I be doing this to them? How could I be smiling and happy at the thought of abandoning them? What kind of a daughter would do this to her mother and father? I owe them for everything they’ve done for me. I move my hand back over the amity bowl slowly, resigning myself to this life.

I owe them this.

But do I owe them my happiness? Do I owe them my life?

Before I get a chance to think about it anymore a drop of blood falls from my hand landing on the soft soil.

Clapping and cheering can be heard from behind me, but I just stare at the bowl in front of me. This was a mistake

I wake up panting. I get this dream most nights. I can never change it, no matter how much I want to. I can never go back and make a different decision. I can’t change what happens in the dream because it’s not just a dream, it’s a memory.

This was what happened during my choosing ceremony.

I still remember the first thing my parents said to me after I made my decision. “What the hell was that?”

They had seen my hand hover over the dauntless bowl, everyone had. The others were just nice enough to not comment on it. My hand couldn’t have been there for more than five seconds, but it felt like it had been there for five years. I had been so close.

If only I had had the courage ...