A Guide To Love For A Bozo

|To Love, Is It Worth It?| {3}

Ruby
Hiya! If there's any of u guys still out there... oops. But here we go! The very well overdue part 3! There's gonna be a part 4 and the that'll be a wrap so look out for part 4 afterwards too! Also I don't rly know when that'll happen but hopefully not too long....

What have I done? What have we done to ourselves?

I'm in a hospital sitting next to Clancy Crew who is asleep in a hospital bed. And I'm crying.

We've been through so much pain and tears and, until recently, a lot of blood. Sleepless nights, cold stares, unwanted feelings and a rollercoaster of emotions have left us ruined and tired.

This is not what I expected. I broke my rule. I never break my rules.

#1 Expect the unexpected

Well, I didn't.

But this possibility had never run through my mind. Why would it? I had no reason to, I thought we'd talk it out. All this panic and all this pain and just everything for what?

Was all of this even worth it?

I think our friendship has just hit rock bottom. If you could even call it friendship at the moment. Things seemed to have descended so drastically that it seems unreal. I just wish I had realised sooner. Just wished that things hadn't turned out like this. I rest my elbows on the edge of his bed, my chin resting in my cupped palms. I've been alone with him for a while now. He's just been sleeping the whole time, an IV drip in his arm and hooked up to some other machines.

I just sit and stare at him.

It sounds creepy I know, but for some reason my brain thinks that if I just stare at him and think about him waking up then he will. But I know he won't. His body won't let him wake up until it feels better. I'm glad he doesn't wake up though, because I hear footsteps coming towards us and the curtain being slide open, then shut.

Calum moves towards me arms open for a hug. I don't feel like one but he embraces my body close to him anyways. Calum's not supposed to be here. He's not supposed to be here. He's supposed to be else where. It's just supposed to be me and Clancy. Why is he here? He shouldn't be here.

I try to push down the feeling of discomfort but something in me continues to scream in protest.

He's not supposed to be here.

"Why are you here?" I blurt out before I can even process what I've just said.

"What do you mean? Just came to check on you is all." He offers me a lopsided smile and ruffles my hair. I would've responded with a giggle and a fake scowl but I don't. Instead the screaming is becoming increasingly more unbearable.

"You're not supposed to be here." His eyes flash with shock and hurt but he pushes it down and smiles at me again.

"Hey, are you okay? Have you been sleeping enough? Do you want me to get you something to drink or eat?" He reaches out and tucks a bit of my hair behind my ear. Previously I would've blushed. But I'm next to Clancy's hospital bed with a broken friendship lying between us. It was not the time to flirt and mess about.

"No, it's fine." My tone is sharp and clipped. Leaving little for him to continue a conversation with. Somewhere deep within me I feel bad, in a different, situation I probably would've and apologised immediately. Besides, I can feel bad later.

I've put Calum too high up on my priority list and for too long. I had pushed Clancy out. I thought it'd be hard to lose a friend. Thought we'd be side by side for over. Thought we'd have each other's back forever. Thought life would be easier. I had forgotten about hurdles and bumps in life. Cheating death and having adrenaline highs had been a big part of my life for a while. Sometimes I forgot how important having friends was. But Clancy was always there. He'd help me out with cases. Cover for me. He did so much for me. And now...and now I don't know what to do.

I've broken another rule.

I'm not prepared. Unlike the boyscouts.

I hear Calum shifting his weight from one foot to another, his anxiety making him fidgety and on edge. It's annoying.

"Calum can you go?" I pause before adding, "Please?" Like an after thought.  Which it was. I just want to be alone with Clancy. I glance up to see Calum walk out rigidly, still anxious and a little surprised at my request. What is he, stupid? Must be so.

I look over to Clancy, and see how still he is. He doesn't seem alive apart from the gentle rising and falling of his chest as he breathes. Without that or the consistent beeping of the machine, you'd think he was dead. His body seems lifeless and the overall feel to the room seems stiff and cold. I shiver and rub my arms with my hands in a feeble effort to warm myself up. But this cold found its way into me and now rests in my bones and I can't shake off the feeling that it won't go away until I fix this friendship. But how can I fix this when it's a job that takes two?

Oh, Clancy. Please wake up.