Deep Into Darkness (Book 2 Of Deep Into The Water)

Chapter 18: Love On The Line

  When I get open the door to my house, I see Grant cleaning up the dining room and wearing sweats. He seems distraught and tired most likely from our unclear future. When I close the door, he notices me smiles. "Hey Phee." 

"Hey you," you can do this Phoebe! Just be gentle! God, I hate that I have to do this at all! "Can we talk?" 

"That doesn't sound good," he groans and then sits down the couch and pats the cushion next to him for me to sit by him. 

I put my purse and jacket on the coat rack and join him on the couch. His hand moves to my face and pulls me close to him with his eyes locked on mine. My heart is racing and time is frozen still. There we were just us and no one else. His lips meet mine and I encourage him to do so. His kisses bring a bittersweet sorrow of saying goodbye that I despise. For a split second, we could have ignored the past. We could have gone on doing our same routine and hoping for a better outcome. We could have started a brand new chapter, but this wasn't the first chapter of the story of us. This was our last and we both knew it. Regret and sorrow fell in a stream of tears on my face and as they poured Grant kissed them. 

"Don't say it, Phoebe," his kisses continued and throat closed keeping me from saying the goodbye speech I practiced in my car, "not yet at least." 

"Not yet?" I asked confused. 

"We are over, I know that I have known that since I came here and saw you and Liam together, but one last time to end it for good."

His kisses continue and trail down to my chest; is this the perfect way to say goodbye? 

I push him away and then grip his hand with mine. I lead him to my bedroom and then usher him to close the door. He gets on the bed first and throws his shirt on the ground. I climb on top of him and remember our first time in the art museum when I wasn't sure if he would even call me back the next day. Things are different now though, we have a place to store all of those unresolved feelings of love- Damon. He is the only thing we did that was right and after all that has happened between us, I wouldn't take a second of it back. "Kiss me Phoebe," he begs and our lips crash together. Everything is so needy and hungry right now because we both know it's over. 

He flips me over so he is now hovering over me. He moves my panties to the side and thrust two fingers inside of me. I gasp from the immediate pleasure he brings me. "I... love... you," he whispers in my ear as he moves his fingers at a faster pace. I think for a moment about whether or not to say it back but I can't help it. We are messy and complicated but I would be lying if I said I didn't love him anymore. Whenever things are over with someone you loved; where does all of the love go? Do you hide it or release it? He begs for me to speak and I say what my heart is bound to spill out anyway, "I love you too," I start to feel the tears well up but Grant kisses them away again. 

Grant pulls my panties off of me and then his sweats and boxers. He doesn't come back to me, he just stares like he is trying to take a mental picture of me. "Definitely the hottest girl I have ever fucked." 

It is such a Grant thing to say that I throw my head back laughing. 

I love you Grant, I think I always will, but I know in my heart that I have to move on. You are oil and I am water. We will never mix right in the way you want us too. 

We melt into each and for another two hours and forget all about the past. 

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We lay together in my bed still. Grant runs his fingers through my hair. 

"Phoebe?" 

"Yes?" 

"Did you love Liam while you were with me? It always bothered me." 

I think back and remember how sweet I always thought Liam was but at the time Grant was all I thought about. It wasn't until I was pregnant that I felt anything for him. "No not while we were together." 

"Good." 

"Why do you ask?" 

"I like the idea that you were mine once." 

I remember that night he drove away. I wanted him to come running back and tell me I was his everything but even if he had, it wouldn't have worked. 

He kisses my hair and begins to cry. Letting out the tears he must have been saving this entire time, "If you had to love someone else other than me, I couldn't be more grateful that you chose Liam." 

"I love you Grant," I whisper while I kiss his tears away. 

"Forever," he answers. 

I crawl on top of him and make a deal with myself that we make love until the sun comes and then it is back to the reality that no matter what I do Liam is the man that I will be in love with until the day I die. 

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Not going to lie, I cried so hard when I wrote this! I wanted these two to have an intense goodbye because that's what first loves do to people. 

xoxo Michaela