Pitch Black, Pale Blue///A Snowbarry Story

Chapter 5

Caitlin felt horrible.

She had lost control, let her hold slip and Killer Frost had taken over. Again.

The last time it had happened, Caitlin was able to throw her out, regain her powers without much of a struggle. Not this time, however. It seemed that Killer Frost was much stronger now. Hell, she hadn't even been able to throw her out alone, Barry had needed to intervene.

And Killer Frost had wanted to kill  him. The words she had uttered echoed in her head, over and over. I'm not Caitlin, and killing you is the one thing I want to do right now...killing you is the one thing I want to do right now...killing you...

Caitlin had fought back harder than ever at those words, yelling and screaming and trying as hard as she could to break free of the prison inside her own mind. 

But it was Barry's words, soft and caring, that gave her the ability to escape. "I know you can snap out of this. Come back to me. Please..." 

For a second, she had thought she heard love in his voice. And for that split second, she let herself believe that it was true. That he loved her, and he knew she loved him, and they could be together. That hope was what brought her back, what helped her shove Killer Frost aside. Then she was back into her own skin, the weight of what she had done heavy on her heart, all thoughts of love dissipated. 

She had tried to kill him...

She wasn't aware she was crying until she felt his arms around her, strong and warm, holding her close to him.

She choked out an apology, the words heavy with guilt and her voice choked with tears. "Sorry, I-I'm sorry,"

 He pulled back a little and whispered, "What?"

Caitlin continued, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry-"

He broke into her bumbling apology and pulled her back into his chest, cradling the back of her head in one of his hands. Caitlin hugged him back, letting the silence be enough.

Or at least until Barry spoke in a voice that was steady and sure, "It's okay, Caitlin."

And Caitlin found herself relaxing in his hold, feeling truly at peace in way she hadn't felt since she had gotten her powers. 

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They decided to meet Cisco back at the labs. Caitlin was scared of his reaction, because while Barry had taken it well, she knew that the idea of Killer Frost terrified Cisco to no end. 

So she was a bit surprised when Cisco had walked in and given her a big hug of his own. She had hugged him back, though not quite as confidently as she had Barry. She knew Barry's speed could fight off her powers, but she wasn't sure what effect it could have on Cisco. 

When he pulled back, he met her eyes and spoke softly, "Why didn't you tell us?"

She swallowed nervously and looked between him and Barry. Their postures weren't hostile, and it prompted her to speak.

"I was scared," she admitted. "I knew what these powers could do." She nervously looked down at her feet, "I knew I could have hurt one of you with these powers. I still could."

"I could hurt and kill people with my powers." Cisco's response took her off guard and she looked back up. "Reverb did, after all. In fact he," Cisco continued, gesturing at Barry, "could too. He could kill me a second if he wanted to. But he would never hurt anyone. And neither would you."

"I almost did, though." Caitlin retorted, regret coloring her tone. 

"But you didn't," Barry said reassuredly, taking the the lead. "That was her, who you fought off before she could do anything. You were stronger than her. You are  stronger than her." Barry moved a bit closer to her, "And we are going to help you with this. You aren't alone."

Cisco confidently nodded his head, "What he said."

Caitlin felt too exhausted from fighting Killer Frost off to argue anymore, so she just nodded her head, resigned. 

It seemed as if she would have to accept their help, regardless if she wanted it or not. They weren't kicking her out, or locking her up, they weren't even giving up. They were sticking by her side, the sudden realization almost making her want to cry in relief. 

She wasn't alone.