today i stood on the edge of the roof ,
thinking of everything i did wrong .
everything seems so peaceful from up here , eventhough this city never seem to sleep .
i can see small car lights , sirens , ..
i can just picture all the people from up here , what they're doing , do they even know how small they are?
right now i feel small ,
i feel like nothing . i feel loneliness and quiet , and i'm in my own hell .
i tell my mother to hold me one time ,although i was not crying .. i just needed someone to hold me , and she would just shrug it off as if i didnt really need it . i would never tell my own parents of how i truly feel about myself , i feel they have bigger and much better things or problem to deal with , rather than me . i would bolt all the doors , i shut people out , i dont tell them anything , because i was afraid that they would use it against me. all that they would know about me was , "i am a happy person" .
but , no one ever really bothered to get to know me , it may seem selfish .. but, i am not blaming them for my death . they should know that it was all me ..
it was always me ..
i am the problem
just one jump , i told myself ..
and everything will be okay .
just one small leap , and the pain will be over .
no more heart-aches,
no more not good enough,
no more disappointments,
no more hurt,
just one jump .
i fiddle my legs together , just picturing my happy family and friends without me , i smiled . and i make the big leap -- ..
