there was a loud cheer , as i looked up , i saw my brother just graduated from his medical school .. my mom was so proud , she stood up wiping a small tears in her eyes as she clapped the loudest for my brother .
i am happy for my brother though , all his hard work finally paid off ..
the thing in my thought that was bothering me right now was .
'had my mother ever been that proud of me? the way she was now proud of my brother?'
she doesn't need to say it .
it's all written all over her face .
i've never been a best student , never best at anything . i studied in the fashion industry .. not much compared to my brother's medical school .. in my country .. art or fashion are just for people who are too dumb for economy ..
it's the truth in my country and in some people mindsets , i didn't want to listen though , i believe that this is meant for me .. but somehow their words does makes me angry
i wish i was my brother .. he's smart and he's always smiling like everything is always perfect .
two years ago ,
the man i thought who was going to love me for all my life just suddenly gone .. no goodbye's no anything .. suddenly he just told me he was done with me .
they told me again and again , that he only wants you because i was still a benefit to him . now when we've gone our seperate ways . he's done .
i can't believe that the one person i loved so much once , could be so cruel, i myself don't want to believe it . until i opened up my eyes and i saw that what they said was true .
opening my eyes to the truth are the most painful thing i've ever done , but .. now i believe that i can finally breathe and trust me .. i still wish him all the kindness in the world , so he doesn't have to go through what i went through.
these days ..
i believe that i've done my best .. life was just life .. it goes on .. sometimes it brings me along with it . and sometimes the day goes without me .
they told me 'i was too independent"
"i'm too mean"
"you pushed people away"
that maybe true . it's just i don't want them to be close to me , because i know i hurt the people i love .
the way i hurt my parents feelings .
my wished and prayers for love had been thrown to the bin .. eversince i figure myself out .
and since then , no one ever bothered to climb the walls i've built around myself .. for it is so high .
i'm a lonely person i feel that .. and the only way to numb it ...so i doesn't come to the surface was to work ..
i work hard ..
i wake up early everyday , and i sleep the latest at night ..
they all think i do it because i'm just a hardworker and an inspirational person , but . NO
i only do that to myself .. so i don't have to feel anything ..
so there's always a distraction to keep me from completely breaking down .
and what better ways than that?
and it makes money too .
right now .. i'm 22 and a fashion designer for my own brand .
i am living my dream .
it's all i ever wanted .
to be independent , strong , mature .
but , why do i feel so hollow? .
like a lot of myself was missing ..
i worked hard for what i am today .
in high school i was bullied so i worked hard on building myself inside and out so people actually see me as something amazing ,
that was done ..
these days when they met me .. i could see the jelousy in their eyes , and how they looked at me like i was higher than them ..
i was not angry for what they did to me back in high school .. i thanked them .. for if they had never done such thing to me before ..i've never become who i am today .
in college .. i was not the smartest at first .. i failed 2 classes ... since then .. i've worked my hardest to be at least one of the best in class , my mother never know this .. but i did it mom .. i became best at class ,i've made them respect me .
i succeded in all i put my mind to .
but , i feel nothing .
isn't this all i wanted?
this is what i dreamed of eversince i was 12 .
this is all i wanted ..
i got everything .
beautiful family , a steady job that i put my passion into ,a roof on my head and a food on the table and a good life .
everything's great right? .
what am i complaining for..?
you would think now ..
" what an ungreatful bi***..
" is she srsly writing this down?
but , i have done everything for me ... and i still feel empty .. and this hollowness i carried inside my small body just keeps getting bigger
and bigger ..
authors note
anyone ever feel this way?
can you relate to this?
i dont mind if you dont vote or you don't like this story .. i'm just writing it down because i needed to let it out somewhere .
🌹
all the best .
sincerely
me .
