Rescue Heart

Chapter Six

C h a p t e r . S i x

When Lara finally rolled out of bed and came to join me on the yard, I had already fed the horses and turned them out into the field. When she caught up to me, I was in the middle of mucking out Fergus’ stable. The effects of last night’s disturbed sleep were visible in my clammy pallor, and the heavy bags under my eyes. I had done my best to touch up my weary face with makeup purchased from the shopping trip the day before, but there was no way to brighten my tired eyes.

“Sorry, I usually wake up much earlier than this,” Lara apologised as she grabbed some tools and got started on Duchess’ stable.

“Don’t apologise, I’m glad you rested well. So, did anything happen with Tom last night?”

There was a pause, and even though she was on hidden behind a few walls, I could picture her sheepish smile. “Not so much. But he’s asked me to go to the cinema with him, and then out for dinner later on. I said I’d speak to you first, because we’ve not seen each other in ages, and I really don’t want to int-”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” I interjected immediately. “You know how long you and I both have waited for him to finally open his eyes! That’s great, Lara, you’ll have so much fun.”

“Are you sure?” Lara pressed hesitantly. “Because I really don’t mind, I can arrange with him to do it some other time.”

“I absolutely insist,” I assured firmly.

It didn’t take me long to finish Fergus’ stable, given that he was little and not very messy. I pushed the wheelbarrow out of his stable to head into Diva’s one. It wasn’t a difficult task, and neither was mucking out, but already my arms were heavy with fatigue, and my joints ached. The niggling urge in the back of my mind, the taunting voice that was trying to seduce me into taking those pills was back. It was a lapse in my restraint, one that I was deeply ashamed of, and going to feel the effects of for days to come.

Diva’s stable took much longer to muck out. She was a messy mare, but that was probably still largely due to the fact that she was taking her sweet time to settle in. However, knowing that it would get better still didn’t make having to battle her horrid bedding any easier.

Lara and I didn’t speak much as we mucked out, concentrating on the task at hand. But in my zombie-like state, I didn’t pay much attention to the fact that I had company. Once again I noted that I allowed my condition to make me a selfish recluse, where I would retreat into my self-absorbed little shell and forget about the people around me, and force them away. It wasn’t something I consciously decided to do, and trying to conquer the inner demons to break down my personal walls was a lot easier said than done.

“What about your love life, then?” Lara finally asked. The words came out cautiously, but I knew that it was a pressing question that had been on the tip of her tongue since she had arrived, and she had been dying all this time to ask.

“What love life?” I returned with a wry smile. “It’s been non-existent, just like my social life.”

She offered me a pitying look, one which I tried not to take notice of. Everyone around me offered me their pity, and treaded on eggshells during conversations. It was never going to help me break through the barrier of vulnerability in the long run, but I knew that they all intended well.

“You’ll find someone,” she smiled, demonstrating the conviction that my hopes lacked.

“Maybe someday.”

Tom and Lara went out for their date late afternoon, and Mum left not long after them to attend a council meeting, and go out for dinner with a friend. She was on the agricultural board, but apart from that, she didn’t divulge much more into her political duties. And so, I was left on my own, wondering what to do with myself.