New boy in town Ryan has a secret that hes not yet willing to let out. While dealing with the pressures of being the new kid at a new high school and struggling with distancing himself from those who would impact whatever image he has made for himse...
Im 16 years old, I go to Westwood School of Fine Arts in Westgrove Missouri. I live with my Parents and my younger sister in a mid-century modern town house. I dont have many friends at school. And One thing about me that is quite evident about me, Im gay...and fat, such an unwanted combo.
I never had to really tell anyone at school, in elementary school I played with dolls, and I'd always play the mommy at recess, despite the opposing views of the actual girls. In middle school I wore scarves, and colorful sweaters, not to mention my naturally feminine voice. I dont care that people know, I just want to leave this small town and move to New York to study Theatre Arts, but until I get a shiny acceptance letter from one of the many colleges i sent applications to, ill stay here in sad little Westgrove with the bullies and tormentors.
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11-12-17
I wake up in the dim light of my room, softly illuminated by the light coming from my phone. I grunt and get up, walking to the shower, disrobing and getting into the shower. I frown at my convex stomach, wishing it would melt away, revealing the picture perfect body people expect gay guys to have, but no, im stuck in this hog body. Ive always been chubby, ill probably always stay chubby, im scared to workout, because people will judge me, and thatll be one more thing that ill hate about my self, i have a list that i keep mentally.
1. Too fat
2. Not hot enough
3. Not smart enough
4. Not athletic enough
And adding "Not insensitive enough" isnt helping me in the emotional wreck called Young Adulthood. I finish up my shower, Drying off with a towel, then applying deodorant and getting dressed for school. I wear loose clothes, so that I wont feel as exposed, as I would wearing something that hugs my large frame, knowing deep inside that it doesnt matter. Ill just be the fat gay kid, who had no friends. I just tell myself that popularity is mediocre, it might be true, who knows, my only hope is that there will be kind people in college who will except me, but odds are, itll be more pity and disgust from model-like Adonis's and Princesses, who never had a bad picture in their lives.
I guess amidst all this tragedy, I have one thing to be happy about, my family? No, I tried to come out to them,and long story short, they deemed it a phase and pretended my coming out never happened, im just their perfect little straight son who was once in a very confused state in his developing years. No, one thing I can look up to is my only true friend Cass, were similar enough. We both listen to music religiously, were not picture perfect, but there's nothing wrong with that, we've got each other, we don't need anyone else, were ying and yang, batman and superman.
You get it, without Cass, i would've found the sweet, yet sour bliss of a noose around my neck, back when a huge surge of bullying occurred after someone posted a side by side pic of me and a picture of a chubby little girl wearing a fairy costume and way too much makeup which made her look like a midget drag queen. I was so close to taking my own life, but Cass and I did a technology cleanse and stayed off the internet for a whole month, using old textbooks to do our homework.
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I make my way downstairs, and walk past my parents and my little sister Breeana, who was still in her pajamas, I assumed she was faking being sick, for the 3rd time this month, my mom backing her up, by saying that recent outbreaks of flu have been occurring nationwide. I roll my eyes, and open the back door, grabbing my backpack, closing the door behind me as I walk the 2 blocks to reach Hell High. I finish 3/4 of the first block, when a car beeps, I see Cass is her dad's old Volkswagen Beetle, that he passed down to her for her 16th birthday. "Hurry up and get in, before it rains" she says warmly smiling at me with her frizzie hair and mischievous eyes.
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We get to the school in 15 minutes, we park at the donut place across the street, the old man who works the place, assured us that we could park there for the school year. We get out and cross the street, walking into the school, we separate to go to our lockers, ovcourse our lockers are apart, because what would make us both more susceptible to bullying..if we were apart, were eachothers support group, eachothers shoulder to lean on. I make it to my locker safely and put my backpack and lunch away and make my way to first period.
God I wish I had faked being sick, because thats when he walked in, If only I'd kno whow he'd make me feel for the following weeks, months, even years.
What do you guys think, is it good? is it bad, sorry the first chapter is so sad, i cant guarantee that each chapter will not be somewhat sad, but please do help me spread my message by making a story or one shot and use the tag #ChangeTheStatusQuo
