switching up the format a bit ;)
8:12pm
grayson's pov:
i thought about blair and how i probably embarrassed myself last night.
i saw her pull into her driveway and blake pull into the other.
i thought about going over to her house but she's probably tired or something and i don't wanna bother her.
i should just walk over, shouldn't i?
"yes," ethan said.
did i say that out loud?
"yeah," ethan said again.
"fuck."
"dude go up to her door and tell her how it's gonna be. she's sweet and understanding," ethan says walking closer to me.
"how do you know?"
he looked away, "i-i'll figure this out later." and he walked out
huh, weird.
ethan's pov:
i hate lying to grayson. and i hate not being able to talk to him about blair. i just wish i could've made things different.
******
4/8/18
i stood outside her house and inhaled deeply. i walked up to her door and knocked twice. it swung open to be greeted by her beautiful face. she looked so pretty even when she wasn't trying.
"hi," i said.
"hey ethan," she said.
she motioned for me to come inside. i hugged her, holding her tight in my arms. she walked to the couch sat down and i sat next to her.
i grabbed her hands and said, "im so sorry about yesterday. i won't do anything you don't want me to do anymore. i love you."
"ethan, i appreciate that so so much," her voice cracked. "and i love you, too. but this sneaking around that we've been doing for nine months, is too much. i can't keep acting like i hate you when i don't. i care about you and our relationship, and with you im happier. but if i can't tell— if we can't tell our families that we're happy with each other because we're too afraid of what they'll say, then i don't think that this is worth it," she said, letting tears fall.
"baby, we can tell them together. if they don't like it, they'll deal with it because im not going anywhere."
"but here comes the other part. i need some time to myself," she sniffed. "i'm going through some stuff. my anxiety has been through the roof lately and competition is starting and i just need us to take a break. im not feeling myself at all. and telling them wouldn't help me at all," she chuckled.
"well, i want what's best for you. if you don't need me in your life right now, i understand."
"i don't want you out of my life, ethan. i just don't think a relationship with you right now is best for me. i need to love myself before i can love you."
i kissed her forehead and held her in my arms as she sobbed into my chest.
"im so sorry, ethan," she cried.
a tear glided down my cheek as i said "it's for the best. but can we still talk to each other?"
"yeah, of course."
"are you sure it wasn't something that i did or said?"
"no, ethan. i promise it's just me."
"can i call you later?"
"sure."
******
i never called her. and that's my biggest regret. and that's when she really started to hate me. things for sure would've been different if i just called her.
