Down The Train Tracks *Jason McCann*

Down The Train Tracks. ~Ch.10 ["I don't want to hurt her."]

Jason

The car came to a stop, I waited for a second and thought.

Why her?

My head dropped on the wheel, my hands pulling out the keys, now also resting on the steering wheel next to my forehead. Blowing extra air from my mouth out of frustration, I slowly turned. My forehead rubbed against the rough material on the steering wheel, surely leaving a red mark on my skin.

Melani looked so cute when she was sleeping, definitely a step up from an hour ago when she was screaming and crying her eyes out.

I couldn’t decide whether I was happy or sad about taking her. Of course, it’s a bad thing because I took her life away. But, after what just happened, I think I did her a favour. I just wish it was someone else who wasn’t doing it for the same reason I was.

Surprisingly enough, kidnapping isn’t the best way to ‘save’ a girl, and I don’t know how many times I’ve hurt her since she’s got here, but I can’t help it. I don’t know, I guess I just have anger issues or something, or it’s just in my nature and implanted in my brain because of the things I’ve seen…

I sighed.

I just don’t know. I don’t know anymore; this isn’t the way things were meant to be. Things weren’t meant to end up this way. I wasn’t meant to actually like the girl I kidnapped. I don’t know what to do, and the fact that Johnson’s coming just makes me terrified.

I’ll have to hurt her more when he’s here, I might even have to kill her…

This is exactly why I can’t get attached to her.

But, I already have, that’s the thing. I already think she’s an amazing girl, she’s beautiful...

I just can’t hurt her anymore.

I can’t, but if I don’t, Johnson will kill her in a very painful way, and make me watch, or he’ll kill me and take her. Maybe he’d let us both live, but the problem with that is she’d be raped every night and I’d be beat up every night. I don’t know what to do. I just don’t.

Then, there’s the fact that he’ll come every month if he suspects something’s up when he visits. I know he will. That’s just Johnson, and I’ve witnessed Johnson being ‘just Johnson’ too much before to not know what he’ll do.

I know it’s horrible, but I should have let her kill herself. That’s absolutely terrible to think, but if I did she wouldn’t be in pain right now. I’d be dead in two weeks if that were the case, but still it would be better. As long as she’s not hurt, I’m okay.

That’s why I don’t know what to do, because every possible outcome involves Melani getting hurt. I don’t want to hurt her.

I started banging my head off the steering wheel because of this frustration. I was trying to knock an idea into mind, but I forgot Melani was sleeping.

“Jason! Stop! What are you doing?!”

She stretched over, pulling my head up so now I was sitting straight. I looked at her. She unbuckled her seat belt, and came closer to me, examining my forehead.

“It’s all red, happy now psycho?” She wasn’t even joking when she said that. “Why were you doing that?” She asked, sitting back down, rubbing her eyes.

“Sorry, I forgot you were asleep,” I shook my head. She opened her mouth to respond, but I cut her off to avoid further questioning. “Come on, let’s go back inside. It’s cold out here.” She nodded.

We both got out of the car heading for the house. I looked back at her; she was trailing behind, walking slowly.

“Are you alright?” Her gaze shifted from the ground, to me.