brighter days - fandomfluid

hi

D.O

i don't feel... here.

evan and i flew over to l.a for vidcon. 

Its nice and sunny in california, which usually id prefer. it just doesn't match my mood at the moment. how do i describe it?

it's like walking around with a stone for a heart. people are just swimming in honey, as my life falls apart. it's cold, it's dark, and there's no way out. i just wish I could shout. 

the worst thing is, nothing feels wrong, nothing. 

that's what i feel.

i've done so many great things today, reunited and met with so many great people. yet i feel so bad. 

as i've just finished my first panel i have a break. i believe it is in my best interest to really take a break. I head over to evan and tell him what i'm going through, asking if there somewhere i can go to sit and disappear.

"the green room is still open, i believe everyone is out doing things."

i thank him and begin to walk in the journey of the green room, but just before i become out of ear range evan says,

"i'm here dodie."

i turn giving him a small sad smile before continuing on. 

---------

D.H

i'm a screw-up.

phil and i flew over to l.a for vidcon. 

but me being oh so very intelligent, forgot my antidepressants.  my with drawls have been kinda bad, allowing my head to catch up with my mood.

we arrived later as we didn't have anything scheduled earlier in the day. mainly because we cave dwelling internet trolls who don't wake up till 12:00 pm.

my with drawl symptoms made me kind of drowsy so i stayed in the green room when phil said he was gonna go find our 'american eagles.'... his words not mine.

i sit in this room, (which ironically isn't green) with a deafening silence. 

as it slowly starts to strangle me it is filled with the slite creak of the door opening, followed by footsteps entering the room.

without turning my head i say a dry hi.

"hello dan." 

i turn my head to see dodie clark standing to the side of me. she is another british youtuber who flew over for the event. all though we're not close we've hung out when doing things for youtube. she all right company.

"mind if i sit" she says timidly. 

"not at all, those chairs don't look too comfy if i'm honest."

"my thoughts exactly," she says as she makes her way to the next couch cushion over.

in this green room of many, there was a large white couch, four chairs, and a coffee table with some board games on top in between them. 

we sat silently before i spotted some playing cards on the table in front of us.

"wanna play a card game."

"sure, but i don't many," she said dryly. 

"quite alright, i'll teach you one," i say while reaching for the cards. "it's called go fish."