IT'S KILLING ME

Concentrate

June 19th

Today is the day.

I'm finally going to start working in the hospital, I'll finally be an actual surgeon and in a couple of months I'll probably even have enough money to move into a better apartment.

I was nervous that day but everything went smoothly, I mostly did small things like getting familiar with the hospital, checking up on patients, and running tests on patients.

It went like this for about a week and half and I was starting to become very antsy, I wanted to perform a surgery already.

It was a Friday when I was watching an coronary artery bypass which is a procedure done when your blood vessels can't give out enough blood to your heart, brain, and really every other part of your body. Here I wasn't even assisting in the surgery, I was just standing in the back with a couple more interns watching, and occasionally answering questions. My feet were starting to hurt and I was starting to feel hot in the surgical scrubs and my mask was starting to feel itchy on me. Why the hell did I need all this? Well I knew exactly why, it's to keep the open patient safe from any bacteria that we could possibly have on us, but I'm not even close to the patient, and that's the problem. I should be there, fixing the patient's blood vessels.

I heard the door open, and in came another intern, no a resident, an actual surgeon. He was wearing the same thing as everyone else, scrubs, mask, except instead of the ugly blue cap I had on my head, he had a red one, which was still pretty ugly. He eyes met mine and I quickly looked away, focusing my attention on the surgery, they have just discovered the blockage in one of the coronary artery.

From the corner of my eye I could see how he started walking towards me and in a couple of seconds I could feel his presence right next to me but I kept my eyes focused on the patient.

This guy was much taller than me and had to lean down a bit to talk to me, "we're going to be doing this tomorrow" he said.

I looked at him, meeting his green eyes, which were the only thing on his face I could see, but I didn't mind, they were calming, and they almost distracted me what he had just said. I shook my head a bit and squeezed my eyes shut for a second.

"wait....me?"

"yeah" crinkles by his eyes formed, meaning he was smiling.

My eyes went to a little curly strand of hair sticking out of his cap. It took a lot of self control to not stick it under his cap, it bugged me a bit, but he seemed to notice me staring at it and tucked it in himself.

"We'll be in this very room at 9 am tomorrow, don't be late" he said

"how could I?" I smiled.

He smiled and walked out of the operating room.

I continued to watch the coronary bypass surgery in front of me with a huge smile on my face. I would pretend that it was me instead of Dr. Will doing that surgery and I just couldn't stop thinking that soon it will really be me on that side of the table.

That surgery was the last thing I had to do that day so I headed home in my car which used to be my mom's until she handed it down to me. I didn't know what type of car it was other than the fact that it was a Nissan. I never got into cars, all I knew was that I needed one.

In a twenty-five minute drive I arrived to my apartment which was in the most busiest part of the city and my neighbors would argue all the time and through the thin walls, I could hear every "fuck you" that they'd say to each other.

I made myself some pasta and chicken and ate on the couch while watching Netflix, afterwards I showered and got into an oversize T shirt and shorts. Looking down at myself I realized that I haven't gone shopping in a while but that was another perk of being a surgeon, you don't have to worry about the fact that you haven't gone shopping in a long time because you're in scrubs all day.

I laid down in bed ready to sleep, but I was too excited to sleep, but I managed to, after watching a movie.